Advertising Cynic Gifts

"I'll have one long Belch ale, an Old Makesmepee, and two Dumb Flirt Lights on tap."

'You'll like this, gang ? it's an 'eyes-only' list of 'shady-but-tolerated' loopholes allowed by the Securities and Exchange Commission.'

Clyde thought “Atomic Sparklers” was just an ad gimmick

"There are no big jobs, only small machines."

"Hoskins, try saying 'profits are up' without the finger quotes, okay?"

"And you can rest assured that your problem is being ignored at the very highest levels."

'Let's keep in mind that although quitters never win, they often manage to avoid litigation.'

"They found a use for that old paper shredder."

"You knew this was a soul-sucking job when you took it."

'I sometimes wonder if these endless meetings accomplish anything.'

Go slow delegating authority. First learn how to delegate blame.

'The company's in great shape financially. Hey, a bent but still usable staple!'

'We use a modified 'carrot and stick' approach here - We've done away with the carrot.'

'Don't worry about the company's pension plan. The way we work you, you'll be lucky to live that long!'

"Congratulations! You've made the short-list for who we're blaming."

'I'd like you to become a smaller, lower-paid version of myself.'

'Don't worry about doing the right thing. There'll be plenty of time for that when you're fired,retired,or reincarnated.'

'The position carries no health benefits but we do give you a mantra which you can recite daily to promote good health.'

'The project isn't that important, so put some of your worst people on it.'

'I might give you the benefit of the doubt. But I doubt it.'

Brilliant suggestion Kimble, to get rid of all the deadwood around here - we'll miss you.

CATCHY NAME

"So we all agree to reduce our company motto to 'It was the least we could do'?"

"We need to make some cuts. We’ll start with integrity, accountability, openness, and transparency."

"And what would the, Truth-in-Advertising tribunal, want to speak to old Rudy about?"

"This bedtime story is brought to you by your good friends at the toy shop."

"'I've been promoted from 'peon' to 'nameless cog'.'"

"Let's wait for it to come out on cable and then not watch it."

'The company was quite generous. They gave me a whole day off for the funeral.'

"So what is the true need for this project?" "To make me look good."

'I LOVE the smell of cooked books.'

'To you, it's doing my work for me. To me... it's teamwork.'

"Sometime today do you mind putting in a two-week notice so I don't have to fire you?"

are you so alienated from any real form of community that you can no longer distinguish between belonging and conforming?

"Your employees have lost faith in your ability to pretend to care about them."