Adulting Avoider Gifts

Beware... the Piñata of Adulthood

The Amazing Man-Spider

Where the Appalachian Trail Crosses the Path of Least Resistance

"I think I'm having pre-traumatic stress disorder."

"I can't get used to being a grownup."

"Tell her she's dead. I don't want to talk about the relationship."

"It's essential I go to work to avoid being with my family."

The Mainstream

"We're going to see my family. There's an extra twenty in it for you if we never get there."

Worried man looking at stock market chart on his computer screen with office party going on in the background.

"I hope you don't call that a party face."

'I'm tired of roaming the earth. Can we just stay home tonight?'

"You know I hate birthdays!"

Nervous at a party.

'This patch is to quit smoking...this patch is to quit drinking...this patch is to quit drugs...this patch is to quit coffee...and this patch is to quit having any kind of fun whatsover!'

"I'll go on a cruise, but not if I'm forced to learn things."

'I wish i could think of some way to get away form him.' 'I wish i could think of some way to get away form her.'

'Honey, I would love to go out with you, but I feel like an idiot at all your friends' parties. The conversations are always way above my head.'

"I want to vacation where we can look at something scenic from some place climate-controlled."

"It's just a little device I use to help relieve the anxiety from meeting new people."

Buffet - now glutton free.

'On second thought, dear, could you toss me the car keys?'

'I'd like to request flexible working to avoid my family.'

"Yes Dad! I can see the ground way way down below very clearly! It's not unrelated to my reluctance to try flying!"

'Aunt Val's pretty cool. . . Kind of hot actually. . . for an older lady.'

"Patient. . . seems. . . reluctant. . . to get his. . . prostate. . . checked. . ."

'How To Say No To Sales People'.

"I just can't seem to get into the spirit of the thing."

"I didn't mind the panel interview, but I got creeped out by the group hug at the end."

Oh, The Putzing You'll Do

"Did someone forget to invite Dwayne?"

"Sorry, dear, but vowing NOT to climb Mount Everest this year isn't a valid New Year's resolution."

"This is a great investment, as long as you're not in it for the thrills and chills."

"Well, my wife is lactose-maltose-dextrose-sucrose-cellulose intolerant, which means I can't even hand her an empty box of candy."

The things some people do to escape from McDonald's advertising.