Accountants' Conference Gifts

Toilets / Bar at accountants conference labelled debits and credits.

'If I had to use one word to describe our strategy.'

'It has come to my attention that we need to hedge against our five-year plan.'

Academic Idol - 'Professor Johannsen's paper was zippy. It had robust vocabulary and I almost felt that I could dance to it. I would give it a 7.'

'I've learned a lot about myself at these meetings...like, I can fall asleep with my eyes open!'

Business meeting, CEO is dressed strangely as he asks: 'Any questions?'

Inclusive speech

"I wasn't the smartest guy in the room, but I was the loudest."

"We need to reset our fiscal compass to the changing business horizon."

'The Board has chosen you to handle the restructuring because you have no heart.'

"Nervous about this morning's presentation?"

The interested bystanders.

"Fantastic presentation! All of the investors loved it."

"Is it just a scary coincidence that the words 'changes' and 'unknown' both have 7 letters?"

Need Supercomputer to finish my PhD, Please Help.

'Wake me up when he doesn't use a buzzword.'

'Complete sentences?? Jeez, how verbose can you get?'

A business that thinks alike...sinks alike.

Businessman in suit on beach with financial report and eyes cut out viewing impending storm.

"He thought this would illustrate the company hierarchy more clearly than the organizational chart."

'If I may say so, business is booming.'

"As you can see, sales have been a little erratic lately..."

"I understand the revisionists are hot on your trail, Professor Delauney."

"I suggest we start with the low hanging fruit."

"I love these off-site business meetings."

'I'm no expert, but I think we're a little behind when it comes to the latest industry technology.'

'Well ladies and gentlemen, I'm sure my little talk has made you all think'

"I don't think the guy with the business-card cannon has ever been to an actual networking event,"

"Now this chart should clear up any confusion you have with the report."

'Our goal is to stress di-versity while remaining a uni-versity.'

'Unaccustomed as I am to public speaking...'

"I know we're not lions, but let's call ourselves a pride anyway."

"We serve danishes because that's just how I roll!"

I work for a not for profit business. Mind you, two years ago it was a 'for profit' business.

The Card Flinger