Annual Conference Gifts

"I think you should all consider yourself very fortunate to be here considering how few seats there are for this event."

'It makes conferences so much cheaper, no travel costs and we only need to buy our own drinks!'

"Finding a big enough venue for the partner conference wasn't easy...eventually we had to settle on Las Vegas!"

'I'm so glad to see you've all made it here today.'

Academic Idol - 'Professor Johannsen's paper was zippy. It had robust vocabulary and I almost felt that I could dance to it. I would give it a 7.'

'I've learned a lot about myself at these meetings...like, I can fall asleep with my eyes open!'

'Well the good news is that we've landed some huge contracts in China!'

Inclusive speech

"Nervous about this morning's presentation?"

The interested bystanders.

Need Supercomputer to finish my PhD, Please Help.

'Complete sentences?? Jeez, how verbose can you get?'

"We've called this special Stocholders meeting because we want all of our stock back."

Businessman in suit on beach with financial report and eyes cut out viewing impending storm.

"I understand the revisionists are hot on your trail, Professor Delauney."

A man looks up at the earth

"I love these off-site business meetings."

'Well ladies and gentlemen, I'm sure my little talk has made you all think'

"I don't think the guy with the business-card cannon has ever been to an actual networking event,"

'Our goal is to stress di-versity while remaining a uni-versity.'

"Remember, if I can't introduce you it's because I can't remember their name - so that's when you step in and introudce yourself so we can get them to say it, okay?" - Company Party Prep.

'Unaccustomed as I am to public speaking...'

"We serve danishes because that's just how I roll!"

I've been looking forward to this the whole year: It can get lonely out there...

'Absent friends!'

'Thanks to our exensive cost-cutting efforts, we managed to turn a profit.'

'I'm pretty sure I have a Ph.D. I think one came bundled with my new computer.'

Conference Pears

Wearing a sales chart as a name badge.

'All right, I wanna know which one of you really like me and which ones are just networking...'

Annual Mensa Convention: 'Ok, who's the genius who forgot to send out the invitations?'

'Time management seminar. Start: five-ish.'

'And in conclusion.'

"This year the endowed chair will go to whomever pulls the sword from the stone."

Is that one of those wafer thin computers?