Accidental Chef T-Shirts

'Yeah, Hon - is the microwave supposed to glow redhot?'

Barbeque Casualty.

'I'm not an experienced cook so I use the smoke alarm as my timer!'

"I have no idea what, hic, went wrong. I did everything, hic, Mario Batali said."

Is that pancake ready yet?

'Cook is a musician. Improvises. Never makes the same thing twice.'

'...Plus $847.93 for replacing our front door....'

'It wasn't premeditated.

"Larry does all his own stunts."

Never use a cookbook written by a mystery book author. You never know how things will turn out!

"You're doing it wrong."

Bathing and Showering.

"Mum, the milk's trying to escape!"

"Rain or shine, me and you can do fondue!" "I'm ready for some yum!"

'Tomato Surprise. Bean Surprise. Carrot Surprise. Why are you always so surprised when my garden produces?'

"Pulled chicken? You don't want to know."

"Instant coffee? Little plug-in water heater?? This new guy must be a real survivalist!"

'I can't believe you cooked this all by yourself...you must have had an accomplice!'

"I never use the oven timer. The smoke alarms are louder."

"Now he decides to start work on the crazy paving."

A statue of a baseball player swinging a bat stands next to a building with a broken glass window.

"Yes. That was great. . . but the real miracle is how my mom can feed us for over a week on Thanksgiving leftovers!"

Sushi Spinoffs

'My hubby is unusually handy about the house. . . unusual in that, he is always the problem to the solution!'

'I'm afraid I'll have to close you down. Your kitchen is infested with greenfly.'

Upon winning another bowling championship, Dalton throws his ball to the spectators.

"Oh, come on. If it had happened to me you'd've laughed too."

Hair trigger

'During my trip around the World, I took some pictures with this new digital camera... here is my finger covering the lens in Sidney... here in New York... Rome... Lisbon... Hamburg...'

"I thought they were supposed to comeback."

Murphy's Slaw.

"Careful, I'm spilling your shrimp bisque all over the place."

"Whoa! Looks like a worker's comp thing, Carl."

Banana Warning

It's so nice talking to you while I'm driving, it helps to break up the monotony!