Improvised Chef T-Shirts

"Instant coffee? Little plug-in water heater?? This new guy must be a real survivalist!"

Chez Nous Menu

Barbeque Casualty.

Lockdown casserole

Culinary Breakthroughs During Social Distancing

"On. More. Try."

'Cook is a musician. Improvises. Never makes the same thing twice.'

Cooking With Pollock.

On Sale Today Free Range Chickens...Back In One Hour.

Fast Nouvelle Cuisine.

"You're doing it wrong."

'I've made a radio using coconuts, salt water, and a trout.'

'Nothing like the workplace to inspire creativity.'

Man eating his meal with his feet.

"Rain or shine, me and you can do fondue!" "I'm ready for some yum!"

Eating raw cake mix.

'I don't know what we were thinking, baking inside a tree...'

Cook for 3 minutes stir, wait 30 years to discover if the contaminated ingredient gives you stomach cancer.

"Pulled chicken? You don't want to know."

'Now a lot of people throw the wax away, but if you can get yourself a can of Cheez Whiz, you can have fancy treats all night long!'

'How much gin will I need for three medium size lemons?'

"Did someone eat my edamame ice pack?!"

Quisine: Exciting New Dishes Inspired By Whatever's Left On Your Shelf

'We don't have pressed duck, but we could shove around a chicken for you.'

'Venison steaks for a year! Now, Mikey will tell you the bad news.'

'Mix 1lb of greed with 2oz of corruption, fold in a sprinkle of ignorance then put on the shelf...'

"It works!"

Lockdown sandwiches

The Desert Island Christmas

"You're the only man I know who can clean a filthy cooker with two slices of bread."

'The bizarre etiquette of entertaining: the smaller the group the worse the food.'

'Now I can see why our son's roommates won't let him cook.'

"Another Bermudez family specialty is born!"

'I really should consult a dietician. My idea of preparing healthy food is to blow the sugar off a donut.'

"The cook book was fantastic, now do you have a good dieting book?"