Accidental Candidate Pillows

"Milk, butter, bread - all past the expiration date. either he just hadn't noticed before, or his time machine worked."

Barbeque Casualty.

"I don't like your application."

'AAAARGH!...Get it off! Whatever the hell it is...Get it off!'

'...Plus $847.93 for replacing our front door....'

'It wasn't premeditated.

"Larry does all his own stunts."

'Oy!...Did you spill my pinata!?'

"I hope your cast is not itchy, Stacy. I had an itchy cast on my arm once and it itched ALL the time. It felt like crawling ants! Itchy, itchy, itchy..."

Bureaucratic Position Interview

'Mr Bluebeard is our safety officer.'

'Sorry. Your accident insurance doesn't cover that kind of incident.'

Bathing and Showering.

'You're being unreasonable,Hank. Me dropping your 17-pound bass was an accident.'

'We need someone to walk the plants.'

A statue of a baseball player swinging a bat stands next to a building with a broken glass window.

"If you roped your cowhand by mistake, turn to page 21..."

"Now he decides to start work on the crazy paving."

'Boy, is Mom going to be happy when she hears we melted down her gold cards and got $950 an ounce for them!'

'My hubby is unusually handy about the house. . . unusual in that, he is always the problem to the solution!'

"Oh, come on. If it had happened to me you'd've laughed too."

"Damn it—I think I just butt-donated to a charity."

Upon winning another bowling championship, Dalton throws his ball to the spectators.

The best place for a dartboard is not beside an open window.

Hair trigger

'During my trip around the World, I took some pictures with this new digital camera... here is my finger covering the lens in Sidney... here in New York... Rome... Lisbon... Hamburg...'

'I'm not an experienced cook so I use the smoke alarm as my timer!'

A skier who has hit a solitary tree

"I thought they were supposed to comeback."

"For the right job, I'm happy to relocate anywhere."

"Whoa! Looks like a worker's comp thing, Carl."

Banana Warning

It's so nice talking to you while I'm driving, it helps to break up the monotony!

'I tripped over one of those 'Caution Slippery Floor' signs.'