Accident-prone Renovators Pillows

DIY store with a first aid department

'I found the termites!'

"'TSP' stands for 'teaspoon' not 'two solid pounds'!"

'Dinner will be ready soon -- the submarine sandwiches are soaking now.'

'Say, Hon. . . the pizza's burning.'

Inventor of the Tudor spirit-level

House Painter gets stuck to the ceiling.

"Well, you could wish for a new kitchen and a bathroom renovation; or alternatively you could just wish for a less idle husband."

Homes for sale - some assembly required.

'I know it's hard to believe, but before this, I'd never built a thing!'

"We're thinking Shag Carpet. I'm tired of hardwood floors."

'Oh yes, Leomard's a fixit-it man. Only problem is, who'll fix it after him?'

'Quick! Contact my doctor!'

"It's the first responders wondering when you'll be needing their services this weekend..."

"What do you have that's bigger than 'king'?"

DIY Disaster.

'I love doing surprise inspections.'

'Probably left here my the decorators, as I was saying, the roof is watertight.'

'Wouldn't it have been easier to cut off the top of the tree?'

"After the kids moved out I turned their space into a guest room."

Heaven - under new management.

Shaker Timeouts

"It's a quote from the builder, he's wanting £900 just to come around and sneer at us!"

"Worst-case scenario? The renovation goes three years and two million dollars over budget, one of you bludgeons me to death with my own hammer, and you both get the electric chair."

"They send me in after the works done to handle any complaints."

Ladder Painting

"That'll teach you for buying cheap paintbrushes!!"

'If it were my house I'd put it on life support.'

Prime Minister: did you want the Houses of Parliament knocked down completely? If not - my bad...

Builders

'He has weapons of mass destruction.'

Punch Initials - T

'I just love what you've done with the kitty litter box.'

'Do it yourself?'

Missing Contractor