Accident Prone Funster Gifts

Arnie's career is cut short by a beanball! (man sits at desk).

Cheeze Wiz.

'One placebo or two, doctor?'

The Horse Jump - One girl makes it over, the other is cover in leaves.

"...but do not take Clynkovix if you are already taking any other drug with a ridiculous name."

In prehistoric times, there were hunters, gatherers and guys who never had change.

"The amendments are coming next week!"

'If the Lord had wanted us to use the metric system, there would have been ten apostles!'

"...And for anyone who forgot to bring something for the collection..."

When Cows Discovered Mowers

"It's the appendix to the Ten Commandments: The Ten Ultimatums."

Actualities - Artists abusing permission to exhibit more than three pictures this year

"It's from the E.P.A., they say we have to have a non-smoking section."

Dang, another calling. This time, Avon.

'See, I told you this electric fence would come in handy.'

Person playing the cymbals.

'Amen will do ... You don't need to do the wave.'

'I seem to be very conservative but secretly, I'm a rebel - I don't wear pants.'

'Sorry - I've got strong views on Sunday Trading!'

'I didn't know I'd need a PIN number!'

'Your prayer is important to us. Please stay on your knees for the next available God.'

Church: Built by Guilt.

"I don't care how much you saved. This is the LAST time we fly on vacation with a budget airline!"

'...And the meek shall receive a huge bailout!'

'Talking about Jesus is NOT name-dropping!'

"Your prayers may be recorded for quality and training purposes and will be answered by the next available deity."

"Straw, sticks and bricks are in aisle seventeen. Wolf repellent is in aisle four."

The Cheshire Dog.

'What possessed you to stick a fork into the toaster?' 'It's easy to be wise after the event!'

Runners have a pay toll.

"As it says in Matthew 26-40, 'So, you had not the strength to stay awake with me ONE hour?'"

"John, how are you gonna Baptize me when you throw like a girl?"

'Hello, is that over-eaters anonymous?'

Hedgehogs revenge.

"We thank you, Lord, for bestowing your blessings upon us. But, hey - who made that virus?"