Accident Prone Funster Pillows

Arnie's career is cut short by a beanball! (man sits at desk).

The Horse Jump - One girl makes it over, the other is cover in leaves.

'One placebo or two, doctor?'

"...but do not take Clynkovix if you are already taking any other drug with a ridiculous name."

In prehistoric times, there were hunters, gatherers and guys who never had change.

"The amendments are coming next week!"

"...And for anyone who forgot to bring something for the collection..."

'If the Lord had wanted us to use the metric system, there would have been ten apostles!'

"It's the appendix to the Ten Commandments: The Ten Ultimatums."

"It's from the E.P.A., they say we have to have a non-smoking section."

Actualities - Artists abusing permission to exhibit more than three pictures this year

Dang, another calling. This time, Avon.

'See, I told you this electric fence would come in handy.'

'Sorry - I've got strong views on Sunday Trading!'

Person playing the cymbals.

'Amen will do ... You don't need to do the wave.'

'I didn't know I'd need a PIN number!'

'I seem to be very conservative but secretly, I'm a rebel - I don't wear pants.'

'Your prayer is important to us. Please stay on your knees for the next available God.'

"Your prayers may be recorded for quality and training purposes and will be answered by the next available deity."

"I don't care how much you saved. This is the LAST time we fly on vacation with a budget airline!"

Church: Built by Guilt.

"Straw, sticks and bricks are in aisle seventeen. Wolf repellent is in aisle four."

'Talking about Jesus is NOT name-dropping!'

'...And the meek shall receive a huge bailout!'

Runners have a pay toll.

'What possessed you to stick a fork into the toaster?' 'It's easy to be wise after the event!'

'Are you sure you followed the pattern right?'

'Hello, is that over-eaters anonymous?'

Spilt wine

"We thank you, Lord, for bestowing your blessings upon us. But, hey - who made that virus?"