Addicted Funster Pillows

'Bernie. You better have my ashtray by the time I get there!'

"Being raised in the city, Fred didn’t quite grasp the true purpose of a game camera."

Cheeze Wiz.

"I told you. . . use your inside miming."

"Forget the allowance - I need a benefactor!"

Mother to son, regarding stolen cake: 'I don't need to check anything with 'the boys in forensics' I know it was you.'

"These few weeks off school have convinced me that I'm definitely a stay-at-home kid."

With Grandpa it was often a game of hide and sleep.

'The puppy just downloaded on your computer keyboard.'

"You think you hate me now, but just wait until I'm old and a burden to you."

'Before we begin, he's the one that's been helping me with my homework.'

'One placebo or two, doctor?'

The Horse Jump - One girl makes it over, the other is cover in leaves.

'Look. A mom with a handy carrying case.'

Pirates

"How do you like my 'Pop art'?"

'Young Master and I are both turning two: How come I'm so much more mature than he is?'

"...but do not take Clynkovix if you are already taking any other drug with a ridiculous name."

"Please let go of Daddy's chest hair."

'He takes after your mother' (colour)

"The amendments are coming next week!"

'No honey, you can't sell him on ebay.'

'Look, honey, the baby's got your mouth.'

"You spoil that boy."

'I'm still working on my novel. In the meantime, and this is between you and me, I make ends meet by writing all those cat memes you see on Facebook.'

'If the Lord had wanted us to use the metric system, there would have been ten apostles!'

'Did you know that turkeys and dinosaurs are closely related? Meet my cousin, Lenny!'

"...And for anyone who forgot to bring something for the collection..."

'Not beans on toast again.' - 'No, toast on beans. I dropped it.'

'Congratulations Mrs Marrow, it's a courgette.'

The TROU of the Baroque

"One day you'll thank me for embarrassing you in front of the entire Internet."

'Mom never said she was a clown!'

'Okay Dad, time to unwind.'

"It's the appendix to the Ten Commandments: The Ten Ultimatums."