Academic Writing Gifts

'According to the grant all we have to do is write a 25-page report on what we discover.'

'I see you're the co-author of this paper....which you will explain next week. '

"The bastardized representation of cat culture in the upcoming Cats film is yet another egregious example of commodification and cultural appropriation exacted for human profit at the expense of feline communities."

"They claim your paper was written by a ghost writer and your research was done by a ghost scientist."

"I thought I'd gotten away with it, but with technology's advancements it's only a matter of time before they find out about that term paper I plagiarized."

"Ya know, 'DUH' can be a very hurtful word."

"Do you want to play doctorate?"

'... And some primitive cultures, believed that 'the great ones' modelled us from clay.'

"This is a lovely old song that tells of a young woman who leaves her cottage, and goes off to work. She arrives at her destination, and places some solid NHHS in a flask containing 0.50 atm ofammonia, and attempts to determine the pressures of ammonia and hydrogen sulide when equilibrium is reached."

"1984 by George Orwell. Project 2025. Presidential transition project."

"In the first place, it isn't "maddening crowd.' It's 'madding crowd.' "

The Signing of tthe United States Constitution

"They say it takes 10,000 hours to perfect something- I guess I was a bit hasty throwing that together in 144."

'My penmanship has really improved since I got a laser printer.'

"That's the guy I hired to read Proust for me."

Copycats

I should be a writer when I grow up...

Bob encounters one of the bugs in the Jean Paul Sartre fan website.

"Too bad about old Ainsworth. Published and published, but perished all the same."

Blue Stockings - Woman revealing herself as author

'Dr.Sall Thompson got so excited over the new spring design she took a quantum leap!'

"After years of cartoon rejections, Bill stooped to trying a little shameless product placement."

Albania and North Macedonia: entrance denied

'How fast can you hype?'

"I've always dreamed of being on an academic team like this! It's great that we can all depend on each other!"

Ed Flanders, Deconstruction Worker

Squeezing the Free Press.

It soon became apparent that the vicar was an undercover journalist.

"Finally, after years of work, irrefutable proof that I'm a nerd."

"No, I didn't steal your content. I just have your content's doppleganger."

"Would you like me to annotate that for you?"

"The menu just says fried fish, but may I give you a more compelling, surprisingly lyrical description?"

Typical Brain Versus Einstein's Brain

Campaign for Plain English

'According to our statistics department, 78.93 of the statistics they produce are worthless.'