Academic Underdog Gifts

'The good news is that you don't have any long-term memory loss. The bad news is it's all MIDTERM memory loss.'

'They say 'history repeats itself'. In your case that would be next semester.'

'I'm staying in the fifth grade for an unprecedented third term.'

'I probably won't be asked to be the first brain donor.'

"Don't pull any wisdom teeth. I need all the help I can get in school."

'I flunked all my subjects, but I won 'Miss Congeniality.''

"I'll probably never have to worry about people trying to steal my intellectual property."

"I was planning to grow old with Matthew Nelson, but it looks like I'll be growing old with my algebra teacher."

"I'm flunking math and I don't think my science teacher likes me. Sometimes I feel like such a loser."

"How far are you from the correct answer, Baldo?"

"Dang, I wish she would go back to handing out progress reports again like the rest of them."

"I'm broke, I'm back...and I'm willing to discuss law school."

'At least you won't have to worry about the rising costs of a college education.'

Undergraduate talking to college porter

History exam marked as an 'Epic fail'.

'It's the toxic learning environment.'

'I got a 'D' in Business Studies. It seems results can go down as well as up.'

'She flunked me, but I plea-bargained my way up to a C-plus!'

Stan Mack's Real Life Funnies: The Science of Love

"I didn't finish the proof but I did write this poem about my struggle."

"I had all the right answers, but I had them in the wrong order."

"It says 'break glass' but it doesn't say what glass!'

'It says I missed freshmen Orientation and I have to take it in summer school in order to graduate.'

'I really crammed last night.'

"Sorry mum, but I just don't get the decimal system..."

The theory that ‘Time is Relative' came to the professor during a Decelerated Math Class.

"Excuse me, Professor. I think I might have spotted a flaw in your theory!"

National Academy of Sport

Chicken soup for the adjunct professors soul

"An excellent defense. Let's give her the doctorate."

'The bad news is you failed all your courses. The good news is you passed the urine test.'

Subatomic particles

The Giamatti era

Yale makes better lock than rival Harvard.

'And from this point follow me very carefully.'