Academic Underdog Enthusiast Gifts

"I can't believe you got a 100 on that final test!"

Scarcity

"I want a top education, but don't milk me dry with school fees."

"It started with a simple case of peer-review."

'She flunked me, but I plea-bargained my way up to a C-plus!'

"She's a show dog...purebred, of course." "That's great! My guy's a Sanskrit scholar...wrote for the Harvard Lampoon."

"I was planning to grow old with Matthew Nelson, but it looks like I'll be growing old with my algebra teacher."

'We're out of earshot now, so you can drop the phoney, Oxbridge accent.'

'The doctor says he's going to have to give you a few more tests...'

Gifts from the House of Low Goals.

He's slow and can't see out of one eye, but watch out for his left hook.

'And in conclusion.'

Max Weber

"Remember—we're not Eagles fans or Patriots fans. We're Tom Brady Somehow Gets Humiliated fans."

"If we only use 10% of our brains, how am I supposed to get passing grades?"

'Physical or Social Science?'

'Spelling, math, history, geography --now the stupid school wants me to take a polygraph test!'

Can you translate that to simple-minded!

Well, wish me luck. Mom and dad can handle an 'A' and two 'B's, but I've REAL-L-L-L-Y got to spin the 'D' in math!

"I wanted to deliver a message of hope and tolerance in a complex global society but I decided to update them on the Kardashians instead."

"I devote most of my time to defending the bastions of culture."

"Dad, the dean has gone over your financial statement, and he doesn't think you're working up to your full potential."

'After being here for more than forty years - as undergraduate, graduate student instructor, professor - what saddens me most is that this was not the college of my choice.'

"Don't pull any wisdom teeth. I need all the help I can get in school."

'He was very big in Vienna.'

Psychology Dept. Faculty Evaluations Today. I can't tell if it's my id or my ego, but I'm really craving a promotion.

"Oh, my, I can tell—everybody in there has read Barbara Tuchman."

"Millstone is not yet a full professor."

Ant holds up the word 'TRIUMPH'.

The Milbrook Verney chair in literature. The C.K. Frebish endowment for footnotes.

There are two schools of thought. But they are spelled differently. And one of them is wrong.

'At least you won't have to worry about the rising costs of a college education.'

"Like many attorneys I was the runt of the litter."

Cambridge Dons Researching Gravity.

"I was desperate, dear. I had to find a way to teach and do all my required publishing."