Academic Underdog Enthusiast Pillows

"I can't believe you got a 100 on that final test!"

Scarcity

"I want a top education, but don't milk me dry with school fees."

"It started with a simple case of peer-review."

'She flunked me, but I plea-bargained my way up to a C-plus!'

"I was planning to grow old with Matthew Nelson, but it looks like I'll be growing old with my algebra teacher."

"She's a show dog...purebred, of course." "That's great! My guy's a Sanskrit scholar...wrote for the Harvard Lampoon."

'We're out of earshot now, so you can drop the phoney, Oxbridge accent.'

Gifts from the House of Low Goals.

'And in conclusion.'

"Remember—we're not Eagles fans or Patriots fans. We're Tom Brady Somehow Gets Humiliated fans."

"If we only use 10% of our brains, how am I supposed to get passing grades?"

'Physical or Social Science?'

Max Weber

'Spelling, math, history, geography --now the stupid school wants me to take a polygraph test!'

"I devote most of my time to defending the bastions of culture."

Can you translate that to simple-minded!

Well, wish me luck. Mom and dad can handle an 'A' and two 'B's, but I've REAL-L-L-L-Y got to spin the 'D' in math!

"Dad, the dean has gone over your financial statement, and he doesn't think you're working up to your full potential."

'After being here for more than forty years - as undergraduate, graduate student instructor, professor - what saddens me most is that this was not the college of my choice.'

"Don't pull any wisdom teeth. I need all the help I can get in school."

'He was very big in Vienna.'

"Oh, my, I can tell—everybody in there has read Barbara Tuchman."

"Millstone is not yet a full professor."

The Milbrook Verney chair in literature. The C.K. Frebish endowment for footnotes.

There are two schools of thought. But they are spelled differently. And one of them is wrong.

Cambridge Dons Researching Gravity.

"Like many attorneys I was the runt of the litter."

'At least you won't have to worry about the rising costs of a college education.'

"I was desperate, dear. I had to find a way to teach and do all my required publishing."