Academic Success Gifts

The Un-Level Playing Field

"It wasn't until I started getting 'A's' in math that I even realized I was Asian."

"Dad, I know that you are an atheist, but now do you believe in miracles?"

'I'm the first person in my family to have a shot at white-collar cirme.'

"They called me Dumbo. A memoir of redemption."

Medical School. Dean's Office. You were flunking out. Did your midterm exams improve the outlook? I don't know what the prognosis is. They said my test results were inconclusive.

Your granddaughter is studying for SATs. Oh really? Ahem! What did you get on your practice tests? Drool.

"Baldo, these grades are unacceptable! Look, son, your life isn't going to be easy. If you want success, you're gonna have to work extra hard."

'I had no idea there would be a test.'

A-Level results - Everybody wins

"My dad said he wants me to have everything he never had."

"This isn't going to look good on my website."

Glad-You-Ation

"Can you change this quiz grade from an A to a C? I like to keep expectations low until I blow my parents' mind by acing the final exam."

"Ya know, 'DUH' can be a very hurtful word."

"Do you want to play doctorate?"

'Reading, writing and arithmetic are important, son. Someday you might sign autographs for money.'

Grad School Parent-Teacher Conference

"Finally, after years of work, irrefutable proof that I'm a nerd."

"E=MC² Energy=Milk·Coffee²"

"Studies show that children of immigrants are more likely to to take advanced math and science courses and more likely to take advanced placement tests in preparation for college."

"There's something weird about Emily. She actually likes school!"

"I didn't finish the proof but I did write this poem about my struggle."

"Yes Dad, I passed math and now I'm passing chemistry and physics."

'And this year's 'Inquisitive Learner Award' goes to...'

"A student skipped a model U.N. meeting – now he's claiming diplomatic immunity."

'You need an education or you will wind up in some fast food place.'

'What's play?'

School. Report Card. You couldn't name the presidents and flunked history? Yeah -- It's not what you know, it's who you know.

U of Debt

Professor Wiles grows insufferable.

"So, what's gonna be your favorite class?"

Exam

'May I be excused? I just checked my college investment portfolio online, and I feel sick.'

"I'd like to thank my parents and my creditors for making this possible."