Academic Achievements Gifts

"In addition to our speaker's many and considerable lifetime achievements, she is widely known as a piece of work!"

John von Neumann, after completing his book. 'Theory of Self-Replicating Automata'.

"I see by your resume you were an honor student features on your parents bumper sticker..."

'I think his I.Q. is lower than his shoe size!'

'I have a B.A. in indifference, an M.A. in obstinacy and I'm currently working on my doctorate in defiance.'

"I won that at law school for the quarter-mile ambulance chase."

"No one likes a smart-arse Nigel...!"

"Ya know, 'DUH' can be a very hurtful word."

"Do you want to play doctorate?"

'Reading, writing and arithmetic are important, son. Someday you might sign autographs for money.'

Grad School Parent-Teacher Conference

"I've always dreamed of being on an academic team like this! It's great that we can all depend on each other!"

"Finally, after years of work, irrefutable proof that I'm a nerd."

"E=MC² Energy=Milk·Coffee²"

"Studies show that children of immigrants are more likely to to take advanced math and science courses and more likely to take advanced placement tests in preparation for college."

"My answers could be right. Your quiz just asked the wrong questions."

"There's something weird about Emily. She actually likes school!"

Brian was very proud of his dog.

'So...you THINK you have what it takes to be a scientist...?'

Academic Idol - 'Professor Johannsen's paper was zippy. It had robust vocabulary and I almost felt that I could dance to it. I would give it a 7.'

"Yes Dad, I passed math and now I'm passing chemistry and physics."

"It's no my fault I got a D. The system is broken."

"A student skipped a model U.N. meeting – now he's claiming diplomatic immunity."

'You need an education or you will wind up in some fast food place.'

U of Debt

"This could be the year someone actually goes up there."

Exam

"So, what's gonna be your favorite class?"

"Can you change this quiz grade from an A to a C? I like to keep expectations low until I blow my parents' mind by acing the final exam."

Scientists are sexy

'What's play?'

'I really crammed last night.'

'I appreciate how you feel, but I'm afraid your report card isn't grounds for defamation of character.

'May I be excused? I just checked my college investment portfolio online, and I feel sick.'

"That's Brian Eggleston, de facto leader of the playground intelligentsia."