Academic Ceremonies Gifts

"In an effort to avoid controversy, and to accommodate our attention spans, we will be replacing the commencement speaker with fortune cookies."

"I've always dreamed of being on an academic team like this! It's great that we can all depend on each other!"

"Studies show that children of immigrants are more likely to to take advanced math and science courses and more likely to take advanced placement tests in preparation for college."

'She's a very protectice mother!' - Lifeguard at Christening/Baptism.

"My answers could be right. Your quiz just asked the wrong questions."

'So...you THINK you have what it takes to be a scientist...?'

College. Did you pick a major yet? I'm doing a double major in art and logic --- I want to draw my own conclusions!

Academic Idol - 'Professor Johannsen's paper was zippy. It had robust vocabulary and I almost felt that I could dance to it. I would give it a 7.'

"It's no my fault I got a D. The system is broken."

Scientists are sexy

Exam

'Okay.. what the hell.'

" ... and peace be with you, although not likely."

'I appreciate how you feel, but I'm afraid your report card isn't grounds for defamation of character.

Need Supercomputer to finish my PhD, Please Help.

"That's Brian Eggleston, de facto leader of the playground intelligentsia."

Nervous Oral Testing

',,, and if anyone knows of a reason why these two should not be married, let them storm this castle with pitchforks and torches or forever hold their peace,'

The intellectual.

Miss America IQ Pageant

Non-Creative Writing, Also Known as Plagiarism 101.

'Irwin graduates from an online course today.'

"Is there any way I could get a dashboard instead of a report card?"

"I figured out how to raise my grades."

"It's not fair! I only got 100 on my English test!"

"I understand the revisionists are hot on your trail, Professor Delauney."

"I've outgrown my backpack."

"I lettered in spelling."

Super Student

"This is not the first time I have been asked to speak."

'No, but thanks for asking,'

'I'd like to challenge the test.'

'Our goal is to stress di-versity while remaining a uni-versity.'

Examinations.

"You're kidding! You count S.A.T.s?"