Academic Administrator Gifts

"Professor Van Winkle, the university has instituted Reevaluation of Tenure, time to wake up."

"Our final honorary doctorate goes to John P. Lind, who kicked in three million clams for a chem lab."

They Too

Help Wanted: UC President

'When I was your age, an 'A' did not stand for 'adequate'.'

Welcome to Winsome: Formerly, college of Liberal Arts and now College of Conservative Arts.

'I'm worried -- It's getting harder and harder to qualify for Federal grants!'

"How can you suggest that this university's research facilities have been co-opted by the military?"

'I'm worried -- It's getting harder and harder to qualify for Federal grants!'

"Ok, give it to me straight. How big of a donation is required for an honorary PhD?"

I've always wanted to quit while I was ahead but the opportunity never presented itself.

'What bothers me about these meetings is even though it's work, I have the nagging feeling I ought to leave and get back to work.'

'Why is it that nothing ever gets done at these meetings?'

"You've got your corner office, so what more do you want?"

"Another week another dollar, Jenkins"

"Ya know, 'DUH' can be a very hurtful word."

"Do you want to play doctorate?"

'Noticeboard? I forgot it was there to be honest.'

Whats ticking away in YOUR filing system?

A paperwork machine spews endless paperwork

'... And some primitive cultures, believed that 'the great ones' modelled us from clay.'

"This is a lovely old song that tells of a young woman who leaves her cottage, and goes off to work. She arrives at her destination, and places some solid NHHS in a flask containing 0.50 atm ofammonia, and attempts to determine the pressures of ammonia and hydrogen sulide when equilibrium is reached."

"Yes Sir, I'm still working on the 'ins and outs' of their proposal."

"My email is down... talk to me."

"On a more positive note the guidance we’ve published on the services we can’t provide is published in 37 different languages."

"You've got to fill in these forms to join the 'How to reduce bureaucracy' seminar."

On his desk, a cat has an in box, out box and litter box.

Ethics exam cheater.

'I'll be late for dinner, dear. I'm up to my neck in paperwork.'

'Let's not go by the book.'

Project Length As Measured In Dog Years

"Give a sh*t" "Don't give a sh*t"

In basket-case.

Bob encounters one of the bugs in the Jean Paul Sartre fan website.

"Too bad about old Ainsworth. Published and published, but perished all the same."