Absurd Humor Enthusiast T-Shirts

Pest control

"At the bottom of the ocean – why, where are you?"

'Passport and Visa?'

No caption

Selecting teeth.. "I'll have those, please."

Nudist Colony.

The Smallest Room.

"Your neighbour isn't in. Would you mind taking this for them?"

'In its new 'spirit of evenhandedness,' the U. S. Government today sent troops to occupy all foreign countries....'

"Good" "Bad" "Work on it" "Keep working - maybe it's not as bad as you think it is" "Put it to a committee" "Give up" "Make it worse" "Make it better" "Still a bad idea" "Overthink it" "Throw yourself into a pit of wild badgers" "Throw it away" "Call it done" "Sigh."

"What do you recommend for someone being tried in absentia?"

"After the drugstore, I need you to find fresh parmesan."

Race track - with the race being to apply the white lines between lanes

A golden Big Boy holding a plate of poop

"Day 4,261... I don’t know how much longer I can survive. Still no signs of civilization. Food is scarce and I fear the wound on my ankle is infected. Still, all this pales in comparison to the horror of having to be anywhere at any particular time."

Pastry Hat

Trappist Monk Discord

Glance Exchange

Murder in Apartment 6-K

"Nous somme desir-eh, go, er, allez, erm, universitaire français, s'il vous plait."

'What does it say, Dad?'

HELLth Food Sprouts

"Who's next?"

'He refuses to leave without the tree and their son.'

"She's a dachshund-lemming mix."

Fred's new phone plan included unlimited Dada.

Boomerang cow.

Herding lava back to the fire pit.

'Don't you have a better escape plan than that?'

'I told you it wouldn't work.'

"Valet park only"

"I now what you've come to expect from me is physical comedy, but tonight I thought we'd try something a little different."

'In today's market hyperbole was up sharply. Similes and metaphors held relatively steady with euphemisms hitting another record low.'

"...in other news: Google has been admitted to the United Stations..."

One way only.