Absurdist Humor Enthusiast T-Shirts

'I've been at this for over 30 years now...'

"You still trying to grow those mashed potatoes?"

Waiting For Godot

A hand emerges from a toothpaste tube

"Possums do get into the strangest places."

Ivanka learns her pardon came through

A wrapping station in an exam room

'Your bath's ready dear'

A military general watches TV on a bomb.

"I ask you: is this the DNA sequence of an embezzler?"

Desert Island Rake

"Remember that ultimately we must answer to Chairs."

'In its new 'spirit of evenhandedness,' the U. S. Government today sent troops to occupy all foreign countries....'

"What do you recommend for someone being tried in absentia?"

Pastry Hat

Murder in Apartment 6-K

Trappist Monk Discord

Glance Exchange

"Day 4,261... I don’t know how much longer I can survive. Still no signs of civilization. Food is scarce and I fear the wound on my ankle is infected. Still, all this pales in comparison to the horror of having to be anywhere at any particular time."

Race track - with the race being to apply the white lines between lanes

'What does it say, Dad?'

"Nous somme desir-eh, go, er, allez, erm, universitaire français, s'il vous plait."

HELLth Food Sprouts

"Staring down the enemy in the heat of battle! That is how sausage is made!"

Fred's new phone plan included unlimited Dada.

'I told you it wouldn't work.'

"I now what you've come to expect from me is physical comedy, but tonight I thought we'd try something a little different."

Herding lava back to the fire pit.

"Valet park only"

'Don't you have a better escape plan than that?'

Boomerang cow.

'In today's market hyperbole was up sharply. Similes and metaphors held relatively steady with euphemisms hitting another record low.'

"...in other news: Google has been admitted to the United Stations..."

'I'm afraid I'll fall and no one will hear me.'

"Are you the one they call El Cóndor?"