Absurdist Humor Aficionado T-Shirts

'I won't be around, but think, Billy - you will see the end of this race in your lifetime!'

'I'll have to take him in to the shop.'

"Good" "Bad" "Work on it" "Keep working - maybe it's not as bad as you think it is" "Put it to a committee" "Give up" "Make it worse" "Make it better" "Still a bad idea" "Overthink it" "Throw yourself into a pit of wild badgers" "Throw it away" "Call it done" "Sigh."

"What do you recommend for someone being tried in absentia?"

A golden Big Boy holding a plate of poop

Murder in Apartment 6-K

Pastry Hat

Race track - with the race being to apply the white lines between lanes

"After the drugstore, I need you to find fresh parmesan."

"The next song was sixties anthem for the youth subculture of revolution, anarchy and anti-establishment...and can now be heard in elevators worldwide."

"Who's next?"

'I told you it wouldn't work.'

'Don't you have a better escape plan than that?'

Herding lava back to the fire pit.

'He refuses to leave without the tree and their son.'

Boomerang cow.

"I now what you've come to expect from me is physical comedy, but tonight I thought we'd try something a little different."

"The doctor is in court on Tuesdays and Wednesdays."

"Would you like to see the markup?"

'I'm afraid I'll fall and no one will hear me.'

One way only.

"It's my helper trout!"

"Aaaaugh! It's the Zombie Alpacalypse!"

Ship upsidedown in a bottle has rescue boat in bottle next to it.

"Remember that time I let you steer the boat and we crashed and had to swim here to die? Remember?"

Franz Kafka

'It's an emergency, Doctor. The vitamin company needs an endorsement.'

'Notice the nice safety feature...crash-proof bumpers!'

'Hey! You're not for real, are you man?'

'I don't want to be a nuisance, you can shoot me if it's more convenient.'

'I'm about to die and now I realise I have REALLY BAD breath!'

"Remember that ultimately we must answer to Chairs."

"Percy Shattock, Page Three Girls...1979 to 1986."

'Keep it under you hat, but I want you to enrich some uranium.'

This is what Fred gets for wishing for more hair.