Absurd Humor Fan T-Shirts

'More bad news from the lab. You're allergic to peanuts.'

'Couldn't you have taken the robe instead?'

'We changed our return policy about 20 years ago.'

God is dead.

Bizarre sights.

"I'd like to order a cheese pizza with everything on it except cheese."

The International Airline Basketball Tournament

"Great! Now just cut the blue wire and you're home free."

Angel is hit on head with brick

Pastry Hat

Waterbed Sales Inc - Watched Over By A Lifeguard.

Race track - with the race being to apply the white lines between lanes

'General, You look pale this morning...' - 'I had a nightmare Admiral! I dreamed the war began!'

'Another sad attempt at improvisational cartooning'

"Don't tell any folks in town that Old Bessie's a parasite, O.K.?"

'I'm afraid you have called the wrong number.' (he has one of those old-fashioned phones with a rotary dials)

Chick Billiard Ball

'The whaling crews stopped coming here years ago - why do you ask?'

"I'll become a right-wing extremist because I feel left behind."

'Ahhh,don't ya just love the smell of fresh rein?' horse reins pouring down from the sky

"Do you have something in a smaller pig?"

"He wants to know if you can move your seat up."

"What do you recommend for someone being tried in absentia?"

"And this song goes out there to any girl who might consider sleeping with me."

Murder in Apartment 6-K

'Can I call you back, Frank? A giant maggot is eating my desk, people are shooting at me and my hair is on fire.'

"...I don't believe in the past or the future. I don't even believe in right now. Everyone remembers the past differently. Everyone imagines the future differently. Everyone even disagrees about what's happening right now. So who's to say tomorrow what you and I did tonight?"

'Don't you have a better escape plan than that?'

'I told you it wouldn't work.'

Boomerang cow.

"I now what you've come to expect from me is physical comedy, but tonight I thought we'd try something a little different."

Herding lava back to the fire pit.

'I'm afraid I'll fall and no one will hear me.'

"Aaaaugh! It's the Zombie Alpacalypse!"

'It's a shame you didn't get to use all those little blue pills before Ted died.'