Absent-minded Gift Giver Pillows

"You got me flowers for our anniversary? How sweet, hone...and this year you're only three weeks past the actual date!"

"Cheers! Well, this is exciting. I've never had a dinner date with a duck before." "Relax, honey. I'm just here for the bread."

"The following programme contains scenes of a very noisy vacuum cleaner."

God putting the finishing touches to the Pug.

All bets are off as Round One begins in the "Dollars versus Donuts" World Championship title fight.

Ball as water-melon.

"And at no extra charge I can give your old suit a Viking funeral."

A watch face with Stonehenge

"Happy Anniversary, dear! It's a gold spray-painted macaroni necklace."

'It's another corporate lawyer...do we want to buy a soul?'

Christmas Presents.

"Waiter, this is the worst meal I've ever tasted. And believe me, I've eaten some crap!"

Customer entering bank that is touting number of toasters given away

Where Deviled Eggs come from

That must be my computer date... (Answers door to robot).

"Roadkill cookies"

"Remember when we talked about how you send mixed messages. . ."

This year Mike decides to make his own Valentine's cards.

Santa's Helpers

"Pass that."

'We may need to remove your spleen because it might not be doing whatever it is the spleen does.'

My therapist cured me of using humour as a defense...these days I pack a .45.

Regifts of the Magi

International House of Excrement

"I'm glad I don't have to put gas in it. the downside is that it takes a lot of time to put 3,000 AA batteries in it."

"What seems to be the problem?"

'If you're out and about today don't forget the pith helmet.'

'...You're just not built to take selfies.'

"That's $20 for you if you pluck the tail feathers off my rival over there..."

"It's not a moustache kiddo: It's nasal hair..."

'Hey! You're not for real, are you man?'