Eccentric Gift Giver Pillows

'Please enter your pin now.'

"Cheers! Well, this is exciting. I've never had a dinner date with a duck before." "Relax, honey. I'm just here for the bread."

"But he had a mask and I thought he was a burglar."

"Fresh pepper?"

"Happy Anniversary, dear! It's a gold spray-painted macaroni necklace."

"And at no extra charge I can give your old suit a Viking funeral."

Christmas Presents.

That must be my computer date... (Answers door to robot).

Family heirlooms that will never make it onto the mantelpiece.

"Remember when we talked about how you send mixed messages. . ."

This year Mike decides to make his own Valentine's cards.

"Shouldn't have, you really."

'We may need to remove your spleen because it might not be doing whatever it is the spleen does.'

My therapist cured me of using humour as a defense...these days I pack a .45.

"Recycled, Wayne, we'd prefer 'recycled'."

"It's not a moustache kiddo: It's nasal hair..."

'Darling, I want you to have this lock of my hair to remind you how much I love you.'

'And it comes with oven mitts, butter, sour cream and chives.'

'Hand these out to the workforce.'

Hedgehog living in filing cabinet.

"His goal is to outlive rock and roll!"

Quicksand Swamp - Cheap Burial Plots.

"The party was a total surprise! Everybody jumped out and screamed 'Happy Birthday' just as I was licking my balls!"

'I'd be more impressed that you bought me flowers if you didn't take a job as a delivery boy to get the employee discount.'

'You did want him wrapped, didn't you?'

Cow Christmas anxiety dreams!

'Nothing from the Nobel Committee or the National Endowment for the Arts, but 'Joe' wants you to write some napkins for his bar.'

WC problem.

Frankenstein's Monster receiving birthday present.

'I'm old, bald and fat, but at least I'm not boring!'