Eccentric Gift Giver Pillows

'Please enter your pin now.'

"Cheers! Well, this is exciting. I've never had a dinner date with a duck before." "Relax, honey. I'm just here for the bread."

Mighty Man Of Justice Goes Christmas Shopping Part 1

"But he had a mask and I thought he was a burglar."

"Fresh pepper?"

"Happy Anniversary, dear! It's a gold spray-painted macaroni necklace."

"And at no extra charge I can give your old suit a Viking funeral."

Christmas Presents.

That must be my computer date... (Answers door to robot).

Family heirlooms that will never make it onto the mantelpiece.

This year Mike decides to make his own Valentine's cards.

"Remember when we talked about how you send mixed messages. . ."

"Shouldn't have, you really."

I'm worried about Uncle Mort. He's still in jail for refusing to reveal his secret source? Not just that. It's his relationship with Sadie. I feel like … What? She says she wants him back, but I'm not sure. Why would you say something like that? Your sweetie made you a saw with a cake in it. Oooh.

'We may need to remove your spleen because it might not be doing whatever it is the spleen does.'

'I gotta bad feeling about this.'

My therapist cured me of using humour as a defense...these days I pack a .45.

'Darling, I want you to have this lock of my hair to remind you how much I love you.'

"Recycled, Wayne, we'd prefer 'recycled'."

'And it comes with oven mitts, butter, sour cream and chives.'

"It's not a moustache kiddo: It's nasal hair..."

'Hand these out to the workforce.'

WC problem.

Cow Christmas anxiety dreams!

'You did want him wrapped, didn't you?'

Frankenstein's Monster receiving birthday present.

"His goal is to outlive rock and roll!"

'Nothing from the Nobel Committee or the National Endowment for the Arts, but 'Joe' wants you to write some napkins for his bar.'

"The party was a total surprise! Everybody jumped out and screamed 'Happy Birthday' just as I was licking my balls!"

'I'd be more impressed that you bought me flowers if you didn't take a job as a delivery boy to get the employee discount.'

Quicksand Swamp - Cheap Burial Plots.

Hedgehog living in filing cabinet.

Christmas Dwarves

"This locket contains my very first username and password."

'I'm old, bald and fat, but at least I'm not boring!'