Aborted Plans Gifts

Hell Mark - Cards for every occasion.

"I don't see a destination called 'Veganville' sir."

'I'd like to leave my pacemaker to the medical institute, my artificial lung to the research center, my false teeth to the dental clinic, my dacron arteries...'

Face it, Bob, we're lost. Welcome to Faceitbobwe'relost pop. 2.

"Right before I die I'm going to swallow a bag of popcorn kernels."

"The best laid plans of mice and men... differ materially in their objectives."

'Before you begin, I'd like to thank you for coming in early to do this on such short notice.'

'Now, that's just great: We're flightless again...'

'...and ski conditions will be excellent on city streets today.'

The World's Most Evil Mastermind (and a man sitting in a chair).

"The answer is NO!"

'When the airport said they were booking us on a different flight, I thouoght we'd still be going to Albuquerque!'

'I couldn't run away with you. I feel I would be depriving a village of its idiot!'

'I'm fully organized. Now I can freak out in some kind of order!'

'Oops! Maybe I should've put this sign out a little earlier.'

It's sweet of you to ask, Randy, but I've decided just to rent some Mel Gibson movies instead.

"I'll drill a hole in the side and we'll be FREE!!"

"Since we can't do the Vegas bachelor party we'd planned, I'm asking you all to light a pile of money on fire to celebrate our friendship with Chris."

'So! THis is what you do all day.'

'We should have bought the piano first, and built the igloo around it.'

'You dropped your day planner.'

"To assume Leonard has a bucket list, you have to first assume he actually wants to do anything."

"Could you deliver 500 pizzas over there at the sports shop? Just ask for Hank at the frisbee department."

"Wait a minute ... this isn't my timeshare!"

"It's a part of the new austerity program – e now run things by paralegal."

"Of course, if this one flops we're done."

Prisoners escaping in bubbles.

'Your heart, sir, torn out, stomped on and handed back to you in a doggie bag. Will there be anything else tonight?'

"Finally something we agree on....you aren't good enough for me."

For use in case of wrongful arrest.

"How's your digestion?"

"I'm using sticky notes to identify areas in my life that can be improved. This one says I need five bucks to buy more sticky notes."

'Here he comes!... Hide the file!'

hitchhiking turkey - Escaping the Holidays

"Each to each, I always say! Share and share alike! I take pride in my cuisine, but at the same time I am willing to divvy up household chores with a wife. Say, a wife named Irma. That is, if Irma shares as breadwinner! I'll do the cooking! We'll split th