5g Fan Gifts

"I would never pay $5000 for a phone."

"Fill out an application? Can't I just text it?"

Time Machine Collision

"And that's General Ambrose T. Spangler. He died in the Great Mustache Fire of 1897."

'Business is booming.' - at Uncle Bert's Explosives

After the Nordstrom-Nordstream Merger

"Barbara, will you check your texts for a ring emoji?"

'What?! Not even one of you wants to see how they're made?'

Folding Container.

"Back in the industrial age, this was, I believe, a steel mill."

'Hey...here's a hot prospect...likes catching frisbees, chasing squirrels, rolling in smelly stuff...'

"It appears you have a virus."

"Hello? JS electrical? It's about this flat screen television I purchased from you."

Workplace Confidentiality.

'Hey! This box of 'made in America' stickers has a sticker on it that says 'made in Taiwan'.'

'My laptop's being repaired and I felt lost without a screensaver to stare at.'

"I just dialed 1-800-BAGUETTE."

Smile you're on camera! You're also on my podcast!

'Yes the business has become bigger, but Fred still likes to work at home.'

"Our carbon footprint has been very, very good to us."

'All I'm saying is that if we don't want to be invaded, we'd be better off with weapons of mass destruction.'

"Welcome to the Desert Writing Workshop. Today we will focus on irony."

"Just a minute - I'm uploading."

"How am I going to put in a new tape?"

"OK, you're right. It does say take 2 tablets by mouth."

"Everyone here is bonding over pictures of their dogs."

Piggy bank #4: factory.

'Maybe we should get into high-tech.'

Maraschino, Inc.

Duracell bunny joins marching drummers

'And then, after soccer practice, we stopped at crazy Al's Big Screen TV Store!'

'I want you to know we're 100% sustainable now. We've phased out tarpits and switched to solar panels and double glazing!'

Selfie Extension Stik

An Industrial Inferiority Complex. '... Nobody likes me ... other industries are better than me ... I'm only slightly neurotic.'