401k Worriers Gifts

'I have the results of your stress test, and to be on the safe side, I want you to stop looking at your 401k.'

'Why do I get the impression that my 401(k) isn't performing well.'

"Double whammy. My weight now exceeds my credit score."

"I'm worried. We're small enough to fail, but not big enough to be bailed out!"

"Grandma! What big medical bills you have!"

'And this is Bert, our intern. He's been with the company for 46 years!'

"The economy doesn’t make me half as nervous as my kids do."

'The best thing about working here is that nobody is irreplaceable.'

'I am sure you will enjoy working here until your inevitable layoff.'

"I hate my job and I'm terrified of losing it."

'See, I told you - nobody's job is safe!'

'Climate change seems to be a real thing... in the past, our money was sufficient till the 25th of a month. Nowadays, it's melted away on the 15th.'

"Oh, great. The bunny runs away and lives high on the hog on my tax dollars. Next!"

'But what if my job doesn't want to go to China?'

'I see the truth-in-advertising-people got wind of the proposed privatising...'

'One question. Now that death's over and done with, do I still have to worry about taxes?'

I've left your pin on the map, but I've loosened it.

Energy Bills

"All I did was ask it if we'll ever collect Social Security and Medicare."

"We're going to be forced to give up something, and I reckon the something is you."

"You know it almost BEGGARS belief that so many people are unwilling to pay for professional pension advice."

"I don't know what we'll do when our adjustable-rate mortgage resets."

'Of course things change: our fathers were replaced by machines - we'll be replaced with new software.'

"As requested, we're going to go over you retirement fund, so, if at all possible, let's hold questions until I have finished and I'm out in the parking lot starting my car."

'...I expected a little more than... a sticky toffee with fluff on it.'

'What - you don't want to marry me after you became rich and famous? Oh, great! Now I've got to think about a new pension plan!'

"The Bank has returned the rent cheque marked 'Insufficient funds', but it doesn't say whether that's them or us!"

'It's money in the bank. . . so it's worrisome.'

In case you're fired.

"Would you believe it, that pensions liberation plan was just an on-line scam..."

"My take home pay must have gone to someone else's house."

"Sidney gets nervous if he's too far from his money."

'It isn't just you, Wally. We've all been put on the endangered species list.'

'Well, we've been talking about downsizing, and it looks like the bank is going to make sure we do.'

"I'm at that sweet spot in my career...right between 'young and underpaid' and 'old and too expensive.'"