Pension Skeptic Gifts

'...I expected a little more than... a sticky toffee with fluff on it.'

"I agree, the place was a tear-down, but I just remembered we were only renting it."

Bernard Madhoff $50-billion Ponzi financial scheme.

'Okay, let the minutes show we're not absconding with the money until the economy improves...'

'So, a bailout is like a Ponzi scheme for automakers?'

'I've been in Washington for 30 years, and that's the biggest rathole I'VE ever seen!'

'So that's agreed, we terrify people with stories about living to a hundred in poverty and hope that makes them drop dead early.'

A happy poor man is given money by a rich man and is no longer happy.

'Great speech on the future of the economy. You said nothing with great conviction.'

The private sector is a parasite on the economy.

We lost money in every division, but through the magic of accounting, our Take A Penny Leave A Penny trays earned $46 million.

"Give it to me straight, doc. Will I outlive social security and medicare?"

'Stocks dropped today, proving once again that life sucks.'

'This is how our new no-risk pension scheme works.'

Mismanagement Consultant.

Be thankful we didn't invest social security funds in the stock market.

'I see the truth-in-advertising-people got wind of the proposed privatising...'

'Hurry up and enjoy your life as a pensioner! Three.. Two.. One..'

Department of Work and No Pension

'We don't have a health plan but our accountant knows Reiki.'

"Have you ever wanted something so bad that you'd actually save up the money to buy it?"

"You know it almost BEGGARS belief that so many people are unwilling to pay for professional pension advice."

'I need a small, temporary tax hike - I found a great investment opportunity in Nigeria.'

Deposits Insured By The U.S. Government (which has a $29 Trillion Debt).

"You'd think having nine lives, we'd be better at retirement planning."

'Rumors...'

Home improvements do not always represent a sound investment.

see no evil...hear no evil...SEC can't even spell evil

"I just want enough to get out of the country, and disappear forever."

"It's ridiculous to claim that we've been rewarding investment managers foolishly!"

"I know that you've always enoyed your work."

"How do we know this isn't a ponzi scheme?"

"Would you believe it, that pensions liberation plan was just an on-line scam..."

"My new health plan only allows in network complaining."