Pension Skeptic Gifts

'...I expected a little more than... a sticky toffee with fluff on it.'

"I agree, the place was a tear-down, but I just remembered we were only renting it."

Bernard Madhoff $50-billion Ponzi financial scheme.

'Okay, let the minutes show we're not absconding with the money until the economy improves...'

'So, a bailout is like a Ponzi scheme for automakers?'

'I've been in Washington for 30 years, and that's the biggest rathole I'VE ever seen!'

'So that's agreed, we terrify people with stories about living to a hundred in poverty and hope that makes them drop dead early.'

A happy poor man is given money by a rich man and is no longer happy.

"Give it to me straight, doc. Will I outlive social security and medicare?"

'Great speech on the future of the economy. You said nothing with great conviction.'

We lost money in every division, but through the magic of accounting, our Take A Penny Leave A Penny trays earned $46 million.

The private sector is a parasite on the economy.

'Stocks dropped today, proving once again that life sucks.'

'This is how our new no-risk pension scheme works.'

Mismanagement Consultant.

Be thankful we didn't invest social security funds in the stock market.

Guide to Working Class Investing

'I see the truth-in-advertising-people got wind of the proposed privatising...'

'Hurry up and enjoy your life as a pensioner! Three.. Two.. One..'

Department of Work and No Pension

'We don't have a health plan but our accountant knows Reiki.'

"Have you ever wanted something so bad that you'd actually save up the money to buy it?"

'I need a small, temporary tax hike - I found a great investment opportunity in Nigeria.'

"I invested $1000 in Nortel and now my shares are worth 18 cents."

"You know it almost BEGGARS belief that so many people are unwilling to pay for professional pension advice."

"You'd think having nine lives, we'd be better at retirement planning."

Deposits Insured By The U.S. Government (which has a $29 Trillion Debt).

'Rumors...'

Home improvements do not always represent a sound investment.

"I just want enough to get out of the country, and disappear forever."

see no evil...hear no evil...SEC can't even spell evil

"My new health plan only allows in network complaining."

"Would you believe it, that pensions liberation plan was just an on-line scam..."

"It's ridiculous to claim that we've been rewarding investment managers foolishly!"

"How do we know this isn't a ponzi scheme?"