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"Boss, I just found out about a death in the family. Can I have some time off?" "Of course you can. The amount you may have depends on the distance of the relation. If it was a parent, you can have one full day." "18 hours for a sibling, 9 hours for a cousin...but only if it's your first cousin." "Your Facebook post says it was your fourth cousin thrice removed. That'll get you 45 seconds of bereavement time." "Very bad man."