Zoom Call Comedian Gifts

“Someone is not muted. I'm still hearing ambient noise. Please mute your device.”

Moses on the web

"Yes, I'm alone."

"Would you like to leave a message? He's on the throne"

"You're not at all like your answering machine."

'Thanks to his brilliant conversation techniques, Bob had the shortest calls.'

Cold caller.

"Eric, this is your father, mister Trump." "You must have the wrong number. I'm Mortimer Park."

"I'll have to call you back. The cat looks really pleased with himself, and I gotta find out why."

'It's a text from Mike - Sorry I'm L8 B THR in a crrrrassssssh!!! ARRRRGGGHHH....;p'

"If you're annoyed by answering machines, press 1. . ."

Incontinence Hot Line - 'Please hold.'

"I don't know about you guys, but I sure miss the dog park."

'I called Louis XVI and Robespierre answered!'

'Ed's busy, but someone who speaks out of both sides of his mouth will be right with you.'

"We need to talk about your Zoom presence."

"Heading back to the office after a year of daily zoom meetings."

"Operator, get me my hair!"

"Thank you for not taking our customer satisfaction surney at the end this call. Now I can be rude to you with impunity."

"Le roi s'amuse. Now put your father on the phone."

'Sorry, I missed your call. . . I'm either goofing off at the fax machine or telling someone what I did over that weekend...'

"Hey, Tarzan – no need to yell."

'Yes, this is us speaking.'

And have you been coping with lockdown?

"And this model comes with a virtual mother-in-law in the back seat to make it feel authentic."

"All right. You can keep it as long as you're on hold, but then you have to turn it in."

"Say, 'Tissue? I hardly know you,' but don't tell her you're a roll of toilet paper."

'I'm on the train.'

"Today on Zoom she was like, 'I really think everything's going to be okay,' and I'm like, 'I always knew she was a conspiracy theorist!'"

'That's your misfortune, and none of my own, I'm afraid.'

Evolution of Zoom