Zookeeper Humorist Gifts

Animal Preserve. Director's Office. I've been demoted from the primate house to the bird sanctuary. You've been sent back to the Mynahs!

"We found the poor thing stranded on the beach last summer and decided to adopt it."

City Zoo: Day Care

Seagiraffes

"Oooh... Look, honey. Scarlet macaws! You know, they mate for life." "That's what you think."

"Any idea how long your family might be visiting?"

'Dogs are so silly: Just throw a ball or a stick and they'll chase it and bring it back!'

"Yes, they're hair extensions, but you have to agree, I look fabulous..."

"The Lord works in mysterious ways, I mean, alpacas? What are they? It’s like Bob Seger mated with a llama."

"You're very lucky that gazelle gives me diarrhea."

'So where do you think pineapple juice comes from?'

A mother and baby elephant

"Look, a bug!"

"Well, here's the problem. You been takin' the hair ball pills and givin' the Viagra to the cats."

"Wow, these slippers are really warm!"

'Every night it's the same - always my turn to put the Bally Cat out!'

'...Excuse me...Whoops, my fault!..Sorry!..You first...Pardon Me...Sorry...S'cuse me...Look out!...Pardon'

'Whup - giant anaconda about to attack - quick Peg, hand me something to take care of it with.'

"Too much concealer?"

'I am so proud: My kids are finally fighting all the time!'

"This never happened."

"Scuba cow"

"Yes, one is a dog."

While old, sick, and weak animals remained targets, the lions most enjoyed culling the herd of its sarcastic teenagers.

"We’re a lending aquarium."

"Be kind"

'Jurassic Pork.'

Litter Tray Training

'Of course I'm being catty. How else do you expect me to act?'

Hats and Food

'Boy, if you'd just stop roaming around, it would be easier to find you...'

"I've told you before one at each end!"

"I see by your resume this would be your first time in a symbiotic relationship."

"Just because we're hyenas doesn't mean we always have to get Laughing Cow cheese."

Sign in Lion Enclosure: 'Please Don't Eat the People.'