Zookeeper Gifts

"I feel tremendous pressure to frolic."

'That's odd. For most people, getting a pet helps lower blood pressure.'

'I don't know officer: They all look alike to me...'

"Who's a pretty girl now?"

Trying to use a snake as a hose.

Zebra Crossing

'Two black eyes. Solitary. Lethargic. Definitely in the DSM-V.'

Sign in Lion Enclosure: 'Please Don't Eat the People.'

"Here's an idea, Ham, go get one of the elephants and bring it down this end."

"Ever heard of the Alexander technique

"Feels like an elephant trunk...."

"I hope you're not allergic to cats...Fluffy just loves visitors!"

'Don't give me that 'Protected Species' excuse: You've been naughty, you'll be punished!'

"'Born in conservation,' if you don't mind. 'Captivity' has negative connotations."

"We're so alike and yet we're poles apart."

"He didn't do anything, Gregory. This is a zoo"

Please do not give insider tips to the bears.

"What the heck are we looking for anyway?"

Hippo on helipad.

Kittens and snake.

'Some of us endangered species are getting together Saturday night for one last fling at the water hole.'

'My spit smells worse.'

Spots removed.

'Okay wait. Screaming and failing is for large cats...'

'That's a cougar, come along, we're here to see the monkeys.'

A giraffe in a truck is heading for a low bridge.

'Hey, mac, is this your idea of glasnost?'

"Okay Rolf, if you could just tie him down for me, while I get the anaesthetic"

Snake bite.

'Your patients did this? But... I thought you're working at the zoo?!'

'At last! Thanks so much for curing my constipation doc! Doc?'

The poultry mania - Cochin China Fowls

'Keep driving - we can't open the doors anyway!'

'Name yer poison, gents!'

'Hey stranger: Are you a squeezy-type or a bity-type?'