Zookeeper Gifts

"I feel tremendous pressure to frolic."

'That's odd. For most people, getting a pet helps lower blood pressure.'

'I don't know officer: They all look alike to me...'

"Who's a pretty girl now?"

Trying to use a snake as a hose.

Zebra Crossing

Sign in Lion Enclosure: 'Please Don't Eat the People.'

'Two black eyes. Solitary. Lethargic. Definitely in the DSM-V.'

"Ever heard of the Alexander technique

"Here's an idea, Ham, go get one of the elephants and bring it down this end."

'Don't give me that 'Protected Species' excuse: You've been naughty, you'll be punished!'

"I hope you're not allergic to cats...Fluffy just loves visitors!"

"Feels like an elephant trunk...."

Kittens and snake.

"'Born in conservation,' if you don't mind. 'Captivity' has negative connotations."

"He didn't do anything, Gregory. This is a zoo"

"We're so alike and yet we're poles apart."

'Some of us endangered species are getting together Saturday night for one last fling at the water hole.'

Please do not give insider tips to the bears.

Hippo on helipad.

'Name yer poison, gents!'

'Okay wait. Screaming and failing is for large cats...'

'Keep driving - we can't open the doors anyway!'

"The therapeutic petting zoo creatures have calmed the office, but the cleaning crew is freaking out!"

'My spit smells worse.'

"I always wanted to work with animals."

"Okay Rolf, if you could just tie him down for me, while I get the anaesthetic"

'Your patients did this? But... I thought you're working at the zoo?!'

A mother and baby elephant

"This snake measures 24 inches."

'Hey, mac, is this your idea of glasnost?'

Snake bite.

'That's a cougar, come along, we're here to see the monkeys.'

A giraffe in a truck is heading for a low bridge.

Spots removed.