Zoning Officer Gifts

'OK, that's five votes in favor of saving the historic old hotel, and one vote for stomping it to bits and eating everyone inside!'

'I'm sorry, but there's nothing in the zoning regulations covering bad taste.'

"Stop son, council regulations state that we're not allowed to crow in urban areas..."

"That law against keeping chickens inside the city limits is so crazy."

"Tia Carmen, this city council just banned roosters from living in town."

"So, the Scharfs have an atoll. Big deal."

Distance to avoid contagion

"Of course it's a stupid sign, but you wouldn't believe how much money it brings in for city hall!"

Deskboxes: 'LATE' and 'NEVER'.

"Simplified application form? . . . This IS the simplified application form!"

Man at desk has a desk tray labeled "In one ear,' and another labeled "Out the other."

"We occasionally remove content that is considered to be subversive, or a potential threat to public order and national security."

He waited for the next wave of regulations to arrive.

The FDA studies 'Tobacco'.

'Every year local authorities whinge on about needing more money to maintain services.'

Man from 'National Viewers and Listeners Association sits at work boxes titled; 'Switch on' and 'Switch off'.

"Nothing is illegal if a hundred businessmen decide to do it."

Ofwat Sewage Scrutiny

"If they can rig emissions tests, why can't they fake crash tests too?"

'Back in the day, you could leverage . . .'

"The high price is due to the great view of the beach."

Consumer Protection Agency/Manufacturer Protection Agency

'Well people who said the SRA wasn't up to the job are going to have to eat their words now.'

"They're spelt differently!"

"I thought he would run all sorts of scientific tests."

'Don't look a gift horse in the mouth.'

"I'm no longer cleaning my whole apartment. . . Just the 'Zoom Zone.'"

Title Page for 'Mrs Grundy'

The Hypocrisy of the Smoking Ban

"Hi, I'm Hugo -- I'll be your compliance officer."

"Fraud ..what fraud?... " SEC

You're in violation of several bylaws, ma'am: Too many peppermint sticks, gingerbread shingles, sugar pollution of storm sewers - And with all the kids we've seen go in there, your occupancy clearly exceeds ordinances.

We're from the City Zoning Commission, sir -- we've decided to tear down your house and put up a slum.

"I'm sorry, ma'am, but your holding facility for children is not in accordance with Brussel's regulations."

Please examine your children's tv before they watch it as mistakes can not afterwards be rectified