Zen Aficionado Pillows

'This just isn't working - the mountains constantly remind me of the peaks and valleys of a business chart!'

'Now, until you've attained perfect wisdom, you'll have to learn to evade questions.'

A Japanese Zen master who has been meditating too long.

Zen Master Huineng

"Behold the secret to happiness."

'He really wanted to get into the zombie role, so he became a Meth-Head actor.'

(oil - petroleum - gushing out of inkwell)

'He attained Nirvana in two weeks? - he's GOTTA be using steroids!'

'The sound of one hand clapping.'

'Notice how with truth in packaging requirements all the labels begin with ‘OMG!''

'Henrietta is so self-confident.'

A cat pours himself a gin and tonic.

'This is the worst film noir I've ever seen.'

"Sorry Tina, I won't be able to come over: Joey is finally asleep and I don't dare move..."

"Got any bathtub gin?"

The Z Chromosome: Zebratic engineering with questionable results.

Pregnant Panda at Edinburgh Zoo: 'Congratulations, Wilkinshaw...'

'Hey, what am I, chopped liver?'

"She's been in shavasana for - like - a really long time...."

'Do you ever just feel like getting AWAY from it all?'

"Chop wood, carry water, walk dog."

How's my enlightenment? Call 1-800-Nirvana.

"Ask the gumshoe. He'll tell ya the saucer was empty when I got there. Go on, gimme a purr detector test. I got all night."

Elusive Shadow.

'...Do not feed the bears'

"I'm afraid that you have gnumonia."

''Faith can move mountains'? -- That's actually a little disturbing.'

Ink in a prison made out of pens.

'My Dad will like you. He's the care-taker at the monkey house in the zoo.'

Working from OM.

Weapens of Mass Instruction

"We pay the living dead wage."

'170 years old - and they look that age from day one!'