Yule Log Lover Gifts

Christmas Drinks 'n' Nibbles System

"Christmas drinks 'n' nibbles system"

"I brought cocoa."

'We have Vanilla, Chocolate and Strawberry on your choice of Cedar, Oak or Elm cone...'

Psychic to Leylandii tree - 'You will reach great heights.'

"What now?" Runners disturbing loggers

North Pole twinned with Amazon

'Remember, we're planting a tree, not burying a bone.'

'Can you pass me the saw-dust when you're finished with it Darling?'

"Do excuse me, I've got a nuttiness allergy."

'Oh yeah? Well, to hell with tradition. We're building a snow woman!'

"And thirteen innocent logs perished in that fire they used to burn Joan."

Ozone layer claims another victim.

Baby it's cold outside.

"Will you only promise the children toys that can be brought at this store?"

"So....are we, like, dating now? Or what?"

"You had too many characters in your last tweet."

Camouflage Unit

"My mum's favourite recipes are: birch with mayonnaise, oak with tomato sauce, hazel with Dijon mustard, beech with salt and pepper and pine with soy sauce..."

The Re-Giving Tree

Ted enjoyed going to the park and feeding the woodpeckers.

If a tree falls on a philosopher in the woods, and no one is there to hear his screams for help, did he really make a sound?

'You wouldn't listen to me. You have to buy the biggest tree in the lot!'

Welcome to Kew Gardens

'Yes, this is the most direct offsetting of carbon emissions I've seen.'

Eskimo putting fake snow on his Christmas tree

"What are they saying about you on Yelp?"

'It's very nice, dear, but it's still not as lovely as a tree.'

Changing house name.

"It all started out just fetching sticks, and the business sort of grew from there."

Bob Ross' bitter brother...

"Yes, I did mention that I wanted a big Christmas tree. However, I doubt that will fit in our home."

T'was the night before the night before Christmas.

"Just answer the question, sir. Is it true that you're not planning to watch 'It's a Wonderful Life' this holiday season?"

Father Christmas's Alternative Sleigh.