Youtuber Pillows

Are you calling 911?!

The Marie Kondo landfill

I've decided to have a kid. I've decided to get my hearing checked. No, really. There are two ways to become a YouTube star. Either pull pranks on strangers

I started my own Youtube channel. What's it about? Well, there are already too many stupid-stunt-and-prank channels, and too many holier-than-thou-independent-news-analysis channels. But get this: There were absolutely zero holier-than-thou-stupid-stunt-and-prank-analysis channels. Probably a reason for that. My first hard-hitting post reveals how the inauthenticity of the "Mario Kart" prank is driving away Millennials.

I'm tired of being an alt-right internet superstar. It's way too much work now that I've got 48,000 subscribers to my Youtube channel. Since when do you have 48,000 subscribers? Since my debut video detailed how indigenous people from Foreignvania faked the moon landing by using teddy bears and special effects. I developed a unique following that's part racist, part conspiracy-enthusiast, part Photoshop user, and part Care Bear fanatic. Yeah ... I'm tired just listening to that. It's getting tou

Utter horror. Sadie has become a Youtube star. Get outta here. I shot video of her ranting about her hatred of technology and posted it on Youtube. People love it. They can't get enough. She's being treated like a celebrity. An autograph please, and can you curse my laptop? I feel so alive.

Tonight on Newsmakers: Sadie Cohen, the matron whose anti-technology rants have made her a Youtube star. Mrs. Cohen, is it a contradiction that you're a YouTube star for hating technology? Hardly. I'm the voice of the people. They use technology, but they secretly resent it. They hate having to upgrade. They despise their addiction. Um ... but TV is ok, right? I'm coming for you next, #@%$ loser!

"I've decided to have a kid."

'Forget Normal infections, it's so last year! I put some crazy stuff on youtube and instantly, it went absolutely viral!'

MATCHES: THE UNBOXING

"If this goes badly I'm going to post it on my youtube job interview bloopers channel."

"If you like what I had to say, be sure to go online and buy some of my merch."

I'm beginning to regret buying that Roomba.

"We're not really fighting, mom. We just need a little drama for our YouTube channel. Subscribers equal money."

"...And this is the part where he veers off course from the YouTube tutorial."

What can I get you? An explanation for why we haven't gone back to the moon. Would you like the rational explanation or the Youtube explanation? Rational would be lovely, please. Ok. We never went back to the moon because there was no reason to. The whole point of Apollo was to reassure the free world that we could beat the Soviet Union. Mission accomplished. Oh ... that's it? Well, that's rather bland. Could I exchange that for the Youtube explanation? The lizard-men who live on the film set wh

"The Master Builder...is that a play by Ibsen, or a YouTube video?"

We're With Stupid

"If either of you know any cause or impediment why you should not be married, INCLUDING YouTube CLIPS, declare it now."

"So how much money do you make?"

Bleh! What's up, little man? I can't figure out how to start my essay on integrity and honesty. Oh yeah. I once wrote one of those. Excellent. Can I use yours? Honestly?

"Just remember, kid...whether you post on Facebook, Twitter or YouTube...it's all show biz."

"And they all lived happily ever after? Boy, that's not the version I found on YouTube!"

Somebody should really be filming this for YouTube.

"No, I'm not doing my homework, but I am watching a YouTube video of someone doing theirs."

My Youtube channel's taking off. Mine too, little buddy. You have a Youtube channel? Of course, it's got 12.8 million subscribers. I accompanies my best-selling MANuals book series. I post a video per day. There's "Pickup Artist Mondays," "Man-Grooming Tuesdays," "Relationship Escape-Artist Wednesdays" ... "Become an Alpha in Five Minutes Thursdays" ... "New Advances in Speedos Fridays," and "Using Quantum Physics and the Multiverse Theory to Explain Why that Lady She Caught You with was Actuall

Guess what else I found on Youtube, Randy? Evidence Vladimir Putin is an immortal. There are two photos of soldiers who look exactly like Putin, taken in 1941 and way back in 1920. Exactly like him. Could be they're related. The notion of genetics is a huge conspiracy by the immortals. I found that out on Youtube.

'Any backup plan in case your dream of becoming a YouTube sensation doesn't pan out?'

'Are you going to stay up all night making YouTuba videos?'

Boss? I got a memo saying you want me to stop looking t so many Sirius Disclosure videos on Youtube. The past few days, you and your online girlfriend have been frequenting those videos and the associated Facebook group. Has it occurred to you that if we really do have contact with aliens ... if there really are twelve races, including reptilians who sign your payche - I mean, who control everything - that there's a reason they're keeping all this a secret? Very. Bad. Man. I've compiled a playli

"Sure, you used to be a YouTube sensation. But what have you done lately."

An astronomer on earth posted a time-lapse video of us appearing to move across the night sky. We're YouTube stars now.

:Time to check out a YouTube video?"

We never went to the moon. The Youtube evidence is conclusive. Not the Van Allen thing again." "Van Allen." It is absolutely impossible for human beings to traverse the Van Allen radiation belt. Explain how the Apollo astronauts passed through that radiation belt without either dying or hulking out. They were exposed to a cat-scan's worth of radiation. It was supposed to be a rhetorical question.

The mummified remains of about 40 Buddhist monks were discovered in China, Mongolia and India. All the mummies were found sitting in the lotus position. Many believe that these monks sat so still, meditated for so long, and slowed their heart rates and body functions so much that they became mummified alive ... and they believe that whether those mummies are 200, 600, or 1,000 years old ... they're still alive. Where'd you hear all that? "Strange Mysteries." It's a Youtube channel. I wrote to th