Youtube Critic Gifts

This week on Youtube, I counted 150,360 comments beneath 178 "Star Trek: Discovery" reviews. That's amazing. Yeah. And 49% of those comments were people saying the show is unwatchable. 1% of the comments are people asking if the show's unwatchable, how come you've been commenting on every episode and you're still here at episode 11? 50% of the comments are praise for the show. 30% of that 50% of the comments is from people pointing out that they used to only be 40%. I'm not sure the math god san

Hate Platforms

'I hate to be so skeptical, but I still think the seance business is a hoax!'

Reading my Critics

"Your usually vicious sarcasm is weak. Go pump some irony."

'This has the makings of their toughest season ever.'

"And on the eighth day, God sat back with a scotch and soda and waited for the critical reviews."

Difference of Opinion

"You be the moral grandstander and I'll be the politically incorrect troll."

Man: 'How cute. He must like the movement.' Cat: 'There are some challenging themes here but little or no dramatic resonance.'

Stop! Stop what? Do not change the channel! Sex, death, harrowing footage of the most remarkable story you've ever seen, tattoos, rock-n-roll, action, action, action! It's all coming right up, right after this five second break for station identification. Five seconds ... You're watching Rock Television. And now back to our ... bored. Welcome to ABC. We've got thrills, action, more thrills ... Click. I've got your action right here. We've created a monster. Click click click click click cl-

"I always forget what an expert I am in curling."

"My monthly screen time went up from 62 hours to ‘Holy #@!*’."

"Never mind, Harry. Just remember, the 'Saturday Review' loved it."

"Mom, please! I'm a married woman whose friends have been reviewed favourably by the New York Times."

Can't Touch This

"Heads up! It's another tidal wave of overwrought critical hyperbole!"

'It's cutting edge theatre.'

"Will follow you on social media for food."

"If I Can Make One Critic Smile..."

"This is an excellent story, Doris, so far."

'I take it that the birthday cake is for this old trout you just served me?'

"Did you read my review on Amazon? Four out of four people found it helpful."

A man on a giant book poses as Rodin's The Thinker.

"Stand up, honey. The president's on. You're committing treason."

'He knows everything about art. But he doesn't know what he likes.'

The new Physics

"If he has more than 20 followers on Twitter we call him a 'celebrity'."

Christmas TV...

"Thank you, Mr. Mulvaney, but what we're really looking for is someone with talent."

'Bloomsbury Group, members only'

"Perhaps you wouln't have declared so many places 'worth a detour' if you'd held the map right way up!"

Can't Touch This

'Of course, I'm not one of those glamorous paleontologists who are all over TV these days.'

"About the vaccine, I read online that it was so Bill Gates could inject us with CHIPS!"