Youth Sports Parent Pillows

'The only thing exciting about these games is our dads fighting with the umpire.'

Football Fans

"I AM at my usual position."

The trauma of losing.

'I don't understand why you always put me in goal?!'

"I will always cheer you on, but I will never 'Woo-hoo!' you."

'Yes, Jenny, I know I'm always reminding the team to be good sports, but you really don't have to thank the ref after every call.'

'I know what you're thinking, are those legal shoes.'

"Gracie, I'm proud of you. Your team lost, but you tried your best and that's all that counts."

"There will be a winning team and a losing team. Are you OK with that?"

'OK, now let's switch places.'

'Still having problems finding a baby sitter?'

Runt! You'll never make the team. We'll see! You can't even tie your shoelace! Great technique!

'I was up twice and got one hit, which gives me an lifetime average of 500!'

"How do you expect him to grow up to be a pro if he doesn't start young?"

The young Michael Phelps: 'Just another four laps and I'll get out!'

'Nice Header, Lauren!'

'We just figured that with the kids travelling so much for soccer, it made more sense to sell our house and get an RV.'

Baby Footballer

"I've never been into the other team's end... what's it like?"

"Can we fast forward through the 7th inning stretch?"

Mrs. Tree? A hockey ball hit your daughter. It's likely just a bad bruise. Whew! Though there could be a fracture, nerve damage or fatal blood clots. What? Don't worry. Our medical advisor is evaluating Twig right now. Can you sign this liability waiver? Her hand seems fine. Team lawyer.

'...And remember' It's not whether your dads win or lose the fight in the stands. It's how you play the game.'

'Young players have a tendency to forget fundamentals over the winter.'

'I'm the new kid on the team. Where's my signing bonus?'

"Would you knowingly cheat to be better at something just to make millions of dollars? Well would you? Son? ... Son?"

"Benjamin, we've discovered, is quite gifted at third base."

'...So what if all the other parents screamed at the umpire?...'

'Nice level swing, Billy. Just meet the ball. Don't try to kill it, Billy.'

'We're doing everything we can to police ourselves on steroids.'

'I'm all the athletic support my son will ever need!'

'No, Billy, their first baseman is messing with your head. You won't go to hell for stealing second.'

Sportsmanship

"Go join your coach and the rest of your team. I'll be watching from the bar."

Listen up, team! There will be no trash talk. No harassing the refs. No throwing elbows. Understand? Yes, coach! Ok, kids! Go play! Coach.