Youth Sports Mentor Gifts

'The behaviour of some these ******* kids is a ******* disgrace, you wonder where they ***** get it from.'

"There will be a winning team and a losing team. Are you OK with that?"

"Winning isn't everything, Josh. Not being the reason your team loses is everything."

"Remember, kids, it's not winning that matters, it's getting a clean urine sample that's important."

'I know what you're thinking, are those legal shoes.'

'OK, now let's switch places.'

'The only thing exciting about these games is our dads fighting with the umpire.'

"Look, I know the other team is taller than we are...but I'm pretty sure this isn't allowed."

Runt! You'll never make the team. We'll see! You can't even tie your shoelace! Great technique!

Regardless children just want to fit in.

Mentoring Unit: 'Go on! You can do it! You can be a mentor!'

'I wouldn't worry too much about his communication skills....grunting is perfectly normal at his age!'

'Young players have a tendency to forget fundamentals over the winter.'

'...And remember' It's not whether your dads win or lose the fight in the stands. It's how you play the game.'

'I'm the new kid on the team. Where's my signing bonus?'

'Youth Baseball Clinic: How To Develop A Deep-Rooted Hatred Of The Media.'

"Sure, Pop, I see the ball—what I don't see are incentives."

"Benjamin, we've discovered, is quite gifted at third base."

'Not right now, Timmy. First we're going to work on fielding ground balls. Maybe later we can discuss collective bargaining.'

"It's been a tough season, and you tried your hardest, son. But you're being traded."

'Guys! Everyone yelling ‘What the hell' in unison is not my idea of team spirit!'

"Okay everyone come and get your helmets and pads - players' sizes on the left, parents' on the right."

"Every year it's harder and harder to get their attention."

How to show some hustle.

I think we got stuck with the rookie coaches. First thing -- Stop kicking your equipment around.

Little League Registration: "Um, I think we're gonna need to see your birth certificate again, son. . ."

"Would you explain to your son that there's no free agency in T-ball?"

"Okay, Max, your dad is the commissioner, you're at first base. Harry, your parents donated 5 grand to fix the snack bar, you're at shortstop. . ."

'We call it 'Fred'. He's our best penalty kicker.'

"Let's hope on this visit there are no runs, no hits, no errors."

"Reboot, Robert."

I'd rather be playing video games but I can't quit Little League...

'In the off-season I generally do some hunting and fishing, help out in my father's auto showroom, have knee surgery, and work out in my hometown youth center.'

'I shouldn't worry - soon he'll meet someone who'll give him a good hiding and then he'll get the message. . .'

'Ooooh! Look at this everybody... apparently Mikey here got called up!'