Youth Sports Advocate Gifts

'Young players have a tendency to forget fundamentals over the winter.'

Thank you for not flying into a rage and pummeling the ref!!

'Sorry, kids, but I had no choice. Your parents' constant interference was making it impossible for me to coach.'

You gave steroids to the 8-year-old girls on Team Caffeine? No sir! I merely enhanced their diet with a natural substance knows to boost strength and grit. What substance? You monster! Stay tuned

I think we got stuck with the rookie coaches. First thing -- Stop kicking your equipment around.

Hey, no penalty! Are you blind? That 10 year old was asking for it!

'Youth Baseball Clinic: How To Develop A Deep-Rooted Hatred Of The Media.'

"Look, I know the other team is taller than we are...but I'm pretty sure this isn't allowed."

"I AM at my usual position."

"I will always cheer you on, but I will never 'Woo-hoo!' you."

'Yes, Jenny, I know I'm always reminding the team to be good sports, but you really don't have to thank the ref after every call.'

"Winning isn't everything, Josh. Not being the reason your team loses is everything."

"Fellas, I invited Max here to give us a fresh, millennial take on how to get out of the inning."

"What I miss during school holidays is not going out on strike every Friday."

'Hmmphhhh ... High on Life. Now that's something the government ought to regulate.'

The Boy Who Wanted To Be A Lawyer - "Father Desmond, we need an exorcism."

Stop with racism in sport!

'I'm the new kid on the team. Where's my signing bonus?'

"Benjamin, we've discovered, is quite gifted at third base."

"The good news is, the children in the district have strong writing skills. The bad news is, we have sustained a letter-writing campaign from the third grade."

Make good decisions!

Beijing 2022

"We don't make cookies anymore - I'm selling Girl Scout apps."

"It's been a tough season, and you tried your hardest, son. But you're being traded."

Alcohol and Tobacco Danger

Adult Crime, Not Adult Logic

'I'm guessing it'll have to be by text.'

'Guys! Everyone yelling ‘What the hell' in unison is not my idea of team spirit!'

"Okay everyone come and get your helmets and pads - players' sizes on the left, parents' on the right."

'Well if sixty is the new fifty and forty is the new thirty then yes,twenty must be the new ten...'

'Soccer Mom's Diner.'

The Minor Issue

'They play five innings or until six parents fall asleep, whichever comes first.'

"Relax, at your age it's perfectly natural to make groaning noises every time you move a body part."

'Stop it! Stop it, you two! If you keep fighting about it, then neither one of you will get to be 'coach's bench buddy'...'