Youth Coach Gifts

'Not right now, Timmy. First we're going to work on fielding ground balls. Maybe later we can discuss collective bargaining.'

"Remember, kids, it's not winning that matters, it's getting a clean urine sample that's important."

Little League Registration: "Um, I think we're gonna need to see your birth certificate again, son. . ."

I like the Jets...I guess

Football Fans

"There will be a winning team and a losing team. Are you OK with that?"

The trauma of losing.

'I don't understand why you always put me in goal?!'

"I will always cheer you on, but I will never 'Woo-hoo!' you."

'Yes, Jenny, I know I'm always reminding the team to be good sports, but you really don't have to thank the ref after every call.'

The best PE teacher in the World.

'Well, Scout Smith, escort the little old lay across the street.'

'I know what you're thinking, are those legal shoes.'

"Gracie, I'm proud of you. Your team lost, but you tried your best and that's all that counts."

'OK, now let's switch places.'

'Wait! Let's see if he gets up on his own.'

"What do you mean it's not 'Thong Thursday?'"

"There will be a winning team and a losing team. Are you OK with that?"

We encourage the playing of games with other children.

"And the way you kids kick ass today will speak volumes about the leaders of tomorrow you will be."

'I was up twice and got one hit, which gives me an lifetime average of 500!'

Regardless children just want to fit in.

'Nice Header, Lauren!'

Mentoring Unit: 'Go on! You can do it! You can be a mentor!'

'This game is going to be a character-building experience.'

"Can we fast forward through the 7th inning stretch?"

"I've never been into the other team's end... what's it like?"

'Glen Hoddle employs faith healer' "Remember the days we only had a magic sponge?"

'Young players have a tendency to forget fundamentals over the winter.'

'...And remember' It's not whether your dads win or lose the fight in the stands. It's how you play the game.'

'I'm all the athletic support my son will ever need!'

"Would you knowingly cheat to be better at something just to make millions of dollars? Well would you? Son? ... Son?"

"Sure, Pop, I see the ball—what I don't see are incentives."

"Maggots! That's what ya' remind me of! You've gotta want that fish head."