Young Pet Owner Gifts

"Young man, I don't think you're old enough to walk your dog!"

"... and I have a follow-up question regarding rawhide."

"Those aren't coconuts, they're tennis balls." "Sweet mother of Novak Djokovic!" The island of lost tennis balls.

"Think of it as twenty one in human years. I'll take a bourbon and toilet water."

Indoor Climbing Centre for Cats.

'Someone got me because I matched her purse, I've been to a rock concert, a night club and two weddings, Life as a designer dog is great but I'd trade caviar for kibble to get a good night's sleep,'

Wally Begins research for his thesis entitled "who's a good dog?"

"We can see through the troposphere, stratosphere, mesosphere and into all those distant stars up there in outer space... truly remarkable, huh, girl?"

"Cat box"

'I wonder if they have any water filters?'

Dog looks perplexed as man has his head out the window taking in the beer smells.

"But everyone is befuddled by math."

Dog Hunting Trophies.

"Oh no, after you. I insist!"

"Lemme know when you’re ready to howl at it."

"I wrote this next song about my cat. It's called 'Please stop rubbing your face against my computer screen when I'm trying to watch Narcos.'"

"I didn't know she could body surf. Did you know she could body surf?"

"Bad dog! I've told you to always proofread."

"Barking sometimes helps me relax. But then it drives the neighbors crazy."

"And where have you previously moused?"

'Cat or dog?' - 'A little of both.'

Dog Nightmares

'Table scraps, doggie-bag goodies, dropped hot dogs, the cat's dish of food and your master's slippers.'

'Super Dog'

"Parts of a dog" "Hears food drop" "Smells food" "Chews food" "Swallows food" "Digests food" "Moves toward food" "Signals for food" "Makes room for more food"

"What I'd give for a stimulating conversation..."

'He's the one who needs obedience training!'

I'm at the shrub with the empty bag of pretzels we sniffed last week. Where are you?

Haute Suture

"Bungle the flip! Bungle the flip!"

'They make remarkably clean pets.'

Rusty starts to have very violent thoughts toward his tail.

"Someone’s in the kitchen. Did you lock up my kibble?"

The day the cat realized it was dependent.

“Who’s a good boy that doesn’t feel obliged to prove it by holding too many interesting literary and social opinions?”