Yeti Humorist Pillows

He's been working out and eating right. His waistline is trim and he's strengthening his core. He has a right to be proud of himself --- but I'm not going to do what he wants and start calling him the "Abdominal Snowman."

"Just another 50 decibels on your grunt and we can start to think about letting you hit a few balls!"

'Okay, is there anybody else whose homework ate their dog?'

A tortoise toboggans down a hill in its shell

'This is one of our most recent vintages!'

Don't swallow. I've lost a contact.

'He's a superior breed - He always drinks thru' a straw!'

'Thou shalt not steal...except for bases.'

Palms. When fully grown that species will provide some nice shade in your your yard. Fronds with benefits.

"Walk, hell- I gotta dance."

"I don't know what else we can do. He won't look up from the screen!"

'But you know I don't have brand loyalty for anyone but you!'

"Go ahead. Press one for more options."

Glance Exchange

"Someone throw him a punchline!"

"She likes to be included, so I told her the tea is called 'Squirrel Grey.'"

"Do you see that inexplicably beautiful hydrangea over there?… Nature calls."

'He attained Nirvana in two weeks? - he's GOTTA be using steroids!'

Yoga classes door.

"As Gregor Samsa awoke one morning from restless dreams, transformed into a monstrous vermin, he thought to himself: never again bourbon and tequila in the same night, and this time, I mean it."

Competitive Eating Competition Competitive Vomiting Competition,

"It's just a tree."

"How about a hand."

STRIP God' s dog urinating on planet Earth

'This is a wind-up, isn't it?'

Spiro & Pusho illusionists

'You can't come in here with that.'

Self Help / Elf Help.

"I cross the road to forget."

'The Lemming Book Store'

Clown answers the door to a custard pie in the face.

"How long were you in that headstand?"

'How can he be depressed when all he eats are Happy Meals?'

'Please keep in mind this is only a 'ruff' copy.'

'We have a P-O-P display for our new perfume. Can we move the beef jerky down a smidge?'