Xmas Experimental Chef Gifts

Christmas was the one time of year when Roger could take advantage of working in the genetic research laboratory.

'Enjoy your meal! We grow everything ourselves!'

'I ran out of sugar, so I used salt.'

Before/After

Get your no-turkey recipes here! Eco club. Go veggie for T-day! No thanks! I like turkey, sausage, stuffing, creamed onions with bacon and mincemeat pie. I figured as much. How can you tell? Gut check. That's my gut reaction, too.

It's beginning to smell a lot like Christmas

An experimentalist alarms his guests by describing the appearance of the mushrooms in a dish they have just eaten.

Tzatzikicicle

"Actually, it wasn't so bad. One minute I was standing in line at the slaughterhouse...The next thing I knew, I was being basted in my own juices..."

The Inexperienced Cook

'Wait, wait, before you mix them, you have to say, 'Pow!'.'

"You sure you don't want any Pi?"

"Are you outta your gourd?!!"

"We didn't have any whipped cream, so I used foaming hand soap."

Cooking with Wine: "Oops! Almost split some in the food."

"Honey, quick – the demi-glace is about to simmer – pass me a shot of Don Julio 1942 tequila!"

But I followed the recipe exactly.

'Are you sure the recipe calls for a whole cup of good burgundy?'

"For keyhole turkey carving we use a 12 mm port in each flank and third in the midline."

Onion Guillotine

One reason secret family recipes are usually best kept secret.

'Continue gently simmering for ten minutes...'

"Our chef specializes in atomic gastronomy."

'What the devil is that?' - 'I don't know, I haven't named it yet.'

"For this dish we'll need to sauté the onion with the week-old, moldy, ant-covered French fry over medium heat. Then, we lightly flash boil our dehydrated mouse..."

'O.K. Smarty Pants, here's your fish, cheese, egg, strawberry jam and pickle sandwich with a topping of ice cream and mustard. Pay up!'

Meat Poultry Fish. Genetically Modified Christmas Turkeys. Order Now. They inserted kangaroo DNA to make a product for stuffing, and octopus DNA so everybody gets a drumstick!

"Too much salt?! Hey, I put a lot of sweat and tears into making that Christmas Pudding!"

Blowing out the Christmas Pudding.

'I told you rosemary and sage, but don't add the garlic until the last half hour.'

Come on, honey. The neighborhood potlucks are fun. Fun?! Everyone brings something simple. Totally stress-free. Ha! Last year you made lemon-stuffed slow roasted sea bass with guacamole cilantro chutney. I won't do that again! Guacamole is over. Avocado grapefruit coulis will work.

"Who had the rainforest vinaigrette?"

'Uh yeah, it's supposed to be like that... it's a... it's a new invention.'

What will I do with it? It will never fit in the microwave.

Endangered Entrees