X-ray Pillows

'The bad news is you've swallowed a bunch of those little, green plastic army soldiers. The good news is they all ended up in your GI tract.'

'#?!@#?! Paparazzi!'

"Would you please step back to the machine while I make an adjustment?"

"Hello, Pine Grove Elementary? Could you tell Miss Pritchard to come to Lakeview Veterinarian Clinic right away?"

"Hurry, stop him!" (Dog running off with bone from man's x-ray).

Roentgen tries to figure out what he's discovered.

'Gee!' (doctor looking at x-ray)

'Good News. Further x-rays revealed the big shadow on your lung to your stomach.'

'Luckily, it doesn't look too serious.'

"Things look good but let's run a few more tests since mortality runs in your family."

'Gastroenterology...do I know that?'

"Can you check inside it for me, Mister?"

"Should be back soon. He's just out catching a few x-rays."

"What is it Doc, I can handle it."

Orthopaedist

"How the hell should I know what I'm looking at? You're lousy insurance doesn't provide HD X-rays."

"Hmm, well, I wouldn't worry too much. This condition is very common in your profession."

"No wonder I'm getting feedback!"

'I don't like the looks of this - there's nothing wrong.'

I owe you an apology for not believing you have back pain.

"I don't like the looks of that Spot on your lung."

'Phwoar! Full frontal cortex.'

Why dogs are not hired to do bone scans

"The good news is your back surgery has healed perfectly. However, it looks like you may have to go back for a second exorcism!"

"How cute! Our technician photo-bombed your X-ray!"

'As you can see, the CAT scan of your brain turned up positive.'

"Trust me I'm a Doctor."

'Good news! Your positives look negative.'

"Don't be alarmed. It's just our technician photo-bombing your X-ray."

"But the good news is I've found my watch!"

"And then I said 'Don't worry, this is perfectly safe!' Ha, ha!"

"Were the x-rays really necessary?"

Alcoholic's X-Ray

'I don't want surgery...can you just touch up the x-rays?'

'It's so rare you'll need your own teleton.'