Writing Workshop Goer Gifts

"Yes, that is the book I wrote, but it was heavily edited by a homicidal maniac."

"You've got to fill in these forms to join the 'How to reduce bureaucracy' seminar."

Television Readers.

"I haven't a clue what it does, but I don't know I managed without it"

'Would you be interested in attending a stress management seminar?'

'I'll blurb you if you'll blurb me.'

"Meanwhile, obsessing about productivity is way up."

Belief and Trust.

'Come on, come on, let's work together!'

Brainstorm in progress.

"You're writing a memoir? You're seven years old. Do you honestly think you can capture the interest of readers with such a short—wait, is that my name?!"

'This scholarship application is great. You must have received an A in creative writing.'

"If I were a surgeon, Mr. Ferguson, which I ain't, and your car was my patient, which it ain't—except that it is, in a funny sort of way; that is, if you want to look at it like that; you know what I mean—and you was her husband, I'd have to say, 'Sir, your wife is going to need a valve job.,"

"This is the communications workshop, right? Let’s get started, I’m prepared!"

'Before we begin, please turn off all cell phones.'

"I'm going to tell them our number one way to be stress-free is taking a day off to go fishing."

Convention for People Who Like to Attend Conventions.

'I'm sorry you had to wait. My Time Management Workshop started late.'

Substance Abuse Seminar: How Not To Get Hooked!

'Time management seminar. Start: five-ish.'

"I like it here but if Santa doesn't get better WiFi I'm getting a new job."

Roald Dahl gets a book idea

How to engage an audience

STRIP *Community Care * Squeezing it all in before lunch

"Is this where the breakout session on adolescent behavior meets?"

'Quick, Ted, get that one down on paper before you forget it.'

'I have identified 240 stages of organizational change. Before I discuss them, coffee anyone?'

"The narrative seems contrived."

"We'll start with some 'ice breakers' and 'team building' games..."

"No wonder you can't write, you're not plugged in!"

Start the session by doing something unusual.

"As I understand it, he has a whole other workshop in Hong Kong where they make all that electronic stuff."

'I see Phelps is back from that stress reduction seminar.'

'If asked, we should all agree that this seminar never happened.'

'Oh man, he just nailed that triple entendre... that all but guarantees him a medal.'