Writing Workshop Goer Gifts

"Yes, that is the book I wrote, but it was heavily edited by a homicidal maniac."

"You've got to fill in these forms to join the 'How to reduce bureaucracy' seminar."

Television Readers.

"I haven't a clue what it does, but I don't know I managed without it"

'Would you be interested in attending a stress management seminar?'

'I'll blurb you if you'll blurb me.'

Belief and Trust.

"Meanwhile, obsessing about productivity is way up."

'Come on, come on, let's work together!'

Brainstorm in progress.

"This is the communications workshop, right? Let’s get started, I’m prepared!"

"You're writing a memoir? You're seven years old. Do you honestly think you can capture the interest of readers with such a short—wait, is that my name?!"

"If I were a surgeon, Mr. Ferguson, which I ain't, and your car was my patient, which it ain't—except that it is, in a funny sort of way; that is, if you want to look at it like that; you know what I mean—and you was her husband, I'd have to say, 'Sir, your wife is going to need a valve job.,"

'This scholarship application is great. You must have received an A in creative writing.'

'Before we begin, please turn off all cell phones.'

"I'm going to tell them our number one way to be stress-free is taking a day off to go fishing."

Convention for People Who Like to Attend Conventions.

'Time management seminar. Start: five-ish.'

Substance Abuse Seminar: How Not To Get Hooked!

'I'm sorry you had to wait. My Time Management Workshop started late.'

"I like it here but if Santa doesn't get better WiFi I'm getting a new job."

STRIP *Community Care * Squeezing it all in before lunch

How to engage an audience

Roald Dahl gets a book idea

"Is this where the breakout session on adolescent behavior meets?"

'Quick, Ted, get that one down on paper before you forget it.'

'I have identified 240 stages of organizational change. Before I discuss them, coffee anyone?'

"The narrative seems contrived."

"We'll start with some 'ice breakers' and 'team building' games..."

"No wonder you can't write, you're not plugged in!"

'I see Phelps is back from that stress reduction seminar.'

Start the session by doing something unusual.

"As I understand it, he has a whole other workshop in Hong Kong where they make all that electronic stuff."

'Oh man, he just nailed that triple entendre... that all but guarantees him a medal.'

'I don't offer any free advice anymore. I am offering a self-help seminar and a motivational coaching program online.'