Writing Wizards Pillows

'My manuscript is available for download on the internet. I'll email the link to you.'

"It's the first tell-all book by a former Administration insider written entirely in iambic pentameter."

My book agent, Laurie, sold my memoirs. It's a gut-wrenching tale of how I overcame the odds. It's based on actual events. Not actual events in my life. They didn't ask! The memoir mantra: Don't as, don't tell.

'My parents can't ever criticize my writing because they're both doctors!'

War & Peace as it was and written and as it would have been written if Tolstoy had invested in a good word processor.

'So you want an advance on your writer's block?'

"I haven't written anything yet, but I'm looking for someone to ghostwrite my book 'how to delegate.'"

"In the first place, it isn't "maddening crowd.' It's 'madding crowd.' "

'My penmanship has really improved since I got a laser printer.'

Hey, calm down --- Now, what did you say again?

Ed Flanders, Deconstruction Worker

Solicitor speaks legal jargon and has a translator who tells client: 'You haven't a hope!'

I will study my speling words...

"Bah, I could've written a better dénouement in my sleep."

"Bad dog! I've told you to always proofread."

Kid in class corrects teachers spelling.

"My novel is not a doorstop!"

Restaurant Francais: All you can pronounce £30.

'Roget it's fantastic, superb, extraordinary...where on earth did you get the idea?'

Freind: 'Misspelled, anything helps.'

Miss, how do you spell "acceptable"? I've Googled every "e" and can't find it.

"I know its hard to believe right now, Lawrence, but some day you'll thank me for asking you to punctuate your sentences correctly."

Wishing Well, Wishing Good.

"He's sworn never to say Boudicca, ShrOwsbury, whoM, or narrative."

"No sweetie, it’s a beurk not a book."

"...No it does state here quite clearly...the right to bear arms...not arm bears."

"It's a play on words."

"My preferred pronoun is they."

"Puss in cement boots"

So I'm "cheap." It's a perfectly good word. And it aptly describes my interest in conserving resources. I suppose we could call you "thrifty." Heavens no! And waste two whole letters? I see we've only wasted one whole tea bag.

Conflating Science and Grammar. The boy threw the ball. What grammatical role does "ball" play in this sentence? An object in motion!

'The definition of OBSOLETE: old fashioned dictionaries.'

Joe's 'Take Responsibility For Your Own Actions' Bar.

Ninedency: A budding tendency

The Family Joules: Part 21