Writing Wizard Pillows

'I'll never date another apostrophe... the last one was too possessive.'

"You still haven't finished your essay?"

'Yes, I'm very punctual. I always use commas and periods.'

Wishing Well, Wishing Good.

'Too many exclamation points!!!!!!'

' '2's' and '4's' are not prepositions...'

Progression of human writing, from chisled stone to computers until 2000 when the computer has blown up

"Tom's writing has been going really well! He's written over 200,000 words. Now he just needs to work out what order to put them in!"

"Reading social media, I almost miss grammar, spelling and punctuation"

The Keyboard

How to earn $1,000,000 writing How-To Books!

"Every day, thousands of manuscripts are abandoned by the side of the road and left to perish. Won't you help?"

Günter Grass

"You're a gifted writer, although at times you're just too precious."

"Nobody writes anymore."

Where's the last chapter? It's not finished yet. It's where the writer sleeps with the publisher after he agrees to publish her novel.

STRIP Hambone: Word processor with a novel in it

How to Self-Publish

'Sorry.. I don't date lower-case types.'

Madame Sapphire, mind proofreader.

'He will observe your text now...'

'Technically, I was making fun of your writing ability.'

'All the characters in my novels are based on real people, for example the fat useless waster in my last one was you!'

Use apostrophes. Dont use apostrophes

"In the first place, it isn't "maddening crowd.' It's 'madding crowd.' "

"The leadership team wants a catchy acronym for a new social media app they're calling Functional Applied Relationship Tracker. Any suggestions?"

'My penmanship has really improved since I got a laser printer.'

Copycats

Zombie standup

"Together ideas for couples" "Slap a sandwich together" "Put two and two together" "Pull themselves together" "Rub two sticks together" "Try to hold it together" "String a phrase together"

Ed Flanders, Deconstruction Worker

Solicitor speaks legal jargon and has a translator who tells client: 'You haven't a hope!'

"I said the males were 'evolving' – I didn't say they were 'maturing.'"

"Waitress, have you smoked salmon..?"

"It does have a side effect. You'll faint when I tell you how much it will cost to produce."