Worship Team Member Pillows

"I was on the worship team when they got carried away with the smoke and lights. Next thing I know I'm disoriented and falling off the stage."

"Another job well done by your conflict resolution specialist."

Church for sports worshipers.

"Hue More Church Candlelight mass 7:00pm - 8:00pm"

'Can we sit in the balcony today? Huh? Can we?'

"We missed you at church Sunday."

That feeling when you know the preacher is talking directly to you.

"It would be great if you could turn the smoke machine down a little during worship..."

"Dearly beloved, and others..."

Next Sunday - Rap Mass! 'I thought we reached the limit when we had that jazz mass.'

'It's Sundays like this that I regret our church website is so popular.'

Applause

Come To Church Today and Beat the Christmas Rush.

"Oh, wait. He's on their side."

'It helps with reception.'

"The wages of sin are ... pretty damn attractive."

'I guess you're not from around here. In this region of the country football is in the religion section.'

The worship singer suspects someone doesn't appreciate his talent after finding his mic muted for the 3rd time.

"We're testing a new virtual reality praise & worship system for the satellite campus."

"Look, don't 'Amen' me, and I won't 'Amen' you."

Church: Open Sundays

"A real old fashioned fire and brimstone message today Preacher."

'Look at all of God's children. Then again, they might be just thousands of tiny, little circles.'

'Our worship space is quite large, Roger, but sanctuary committee will do nicely.'

When the traditional and contemporary services overlap.

Fitness in church.

"I meant 'go and make disciples' after the sermon, Bob."

Hymns - Optional Extras

'My husband does everything religiously except going to church.'

'Just remember to get your punch lines in before they fall asleep.'

'Oh, oh! They're going to give it to us with both barrels!'

Curate talking to miners

Matins 10 AM Open Pulpit

'I understand there have been complaints that his sermons weren't getting through to the teenagers.'

Priest's computer screen reads: 'e-confession. Please type 10 Hail Marys ... and no cut'n'paste ...'